All of us have a fear of failure, though the degree may vary. For some students failure is simply about not making the grade. And for some failure equals not passing with the marks one hoped to score. Which basically goes to say that failure is the gap between expectations and performance.

Society has infused failure with so much guilt and shame that fear of failure can immobilise us or even prevent us from performing at the level we are capable of.

In the middle of writing the NEET exam, a well-prepared student might blank out, overcome with a fear of failure and be unable to respond to questions he or she was otherwise well prepared for. Or, an IIT topper seemingly preordained for a plum job might walk into a placement interview and find herself or himself tongue-tied and unable to respond to the simplest of questions.

Fear of failure is not really about capability or the ability to perform. Fear of failure is actually about being afraid to meet expectations that others have of us or the expectations we have from ourselves.

Take this quiz to see if you have a chronic fear of failure. Remember, occasionally all of us may see a few or some of the signs, which might be cause of concern for us. However, if you are facing these signs repeatedly then it may be time to seek help.

1. During an exam do you focus more on questions that you do not know as opposed to focussing on questions whose answers you know quite well?

2. While completing a task do you feel overly anxious about disappointing others and yourself?

3. Have you ever blanked out or choked during an exam even though you were well prepared?

4. Do you make excuses for not starting something new as you are secretly afraid that you might not do as well as others expect you to do?

5. Have you ever procrastinated to the extent that it has affected the quality of work and your ability to complete a project in time?

Now that you have taken the quiz and confirmed some of your fears, here are some things that you can do to tackle and overcome your chronic fear of failure.

5 ways to overcome fear of failure

1. When you are planning your career, it is always good to have a few options that you can fall back upon in case Option 1 does not work out. They can reduce the level of stress to perform at unrealistic levels.

2. Instead of imbuing failure with feelings of guilt and shame, try and think of failing as an opportunity to grow and learn. A growth-oriented mindset is very useful in overcoming shortcomings.

3. If you are a high achiever, then it is natural to set extremely high goals for oneself. But it is equally easy to get overwhelmed with one’s own or family expectations and start to panic. To reduce the gap between expectation and performance, you could try breaking all goals into smaller tasks. Achieving the smaller goals can reduce anxiety and stress such that you feel more capable of achieving the bigger goals. For example, if you are looking at reading a complete book then it can seem overwhelming, but if you plan small rewards for finishing a chapter then you can gradually complete the book.

4. If you feel you are freezing during an exam and entering a high state of anxiety, take deep breaths and focus on your breathing till you feel calm. Practise deep breathing and calming your nerves regularly such that you can do the deep breathing even during an exam or any other high stress setting.

5. When you start attempting an exam, it is easy to fall into a negative thought pattern and imagine all kinds of failure descending upon you. But if you stay calm and start with the answers you know well, that might give you the confidence to attempt the questions that you do not know as well.

The writer is an experienced career and positive mental health counsellor and a TEDx Speaker