A significant number of women breathed a sigh of relief when Mohan Meakin announced recently that it is after all not going to pull Old Monk off the market. At stake, among other things, was the reputation of women. Apparently they, who are now being counted among drinkers, head straight for wines, margaritas and mojitos, if not for champagne cocktails.
Old Monk is too rude for them. So they too have contributed to the downfall of Old Monk, which now has a mere five per cent of the Indian rum market.
Plus, there are still online posts that list 20 reasons why a woman should date a guy who drinks Old Monk. Let us set the record straight. Right-thinking women have always loved Old Monk. They don’t date men who love Old Monk. They date Old Monk himself.
For many, many reasons.
Old Monk is sweet. With a natural sweetness that smells of the earth. Suppose you are out with him. He is not the guy who will drop you at the start of your lane. He will drop you at your doorstep, in whatever state. He will see you through.
Old Monk is rugged.
Old Monk is not wannabe. Unlike other “Made in India” liquors, which try to approximate the taste of foreign originals using locally available poor cousin ingredients, OM is the real deal. It is made with the real thing (read: molasses), as all good magic potions should be.
Old Monk has body. If OM was not liquid, he would have been solid. Some may call it heaviness, but it’s the kind of stuff you can hold on to.
Old Monk is gentle. The first drink spreads through you slowly. You feel nicely hugged.
Old Monk is to be trusted. You know where you stand, or whatever, with Old Monk. Even if you are going to be out there with OM, he will let you know. (An occasional glass of water always helps.) It’s not what you can say, say, of gin. There you may be led anywhere. You can get knocked up.
Old Monk does not need to advertise himself.
Old Monk is versatile. Have you had Old Monk on vanilla ice cream?
Old Monk isn’t snooty. He mixes with Coke, Pepsi, Thums Up (the best friend) easily. With water, soda, lemon wedges, ice cubes. Because OM has real class.
Old Monk doesn’t leave you high and dry on dry days. There is always a bootlegger in the neighbourhood willing to slip you a quarter through the window grille.
Old Monk does not burn a hole in your purse. Old Monk does not care if you are fat. Old Monk does not care if you are old.
Old Monk does not say: “Baby, you can’t dance to save your life.” Instead, you hear: “Baby, you rock!” even if you are only menacing the furniture. Old Monk does not watch TV. Old Monk does not own a smartphone. Old Monk will never leave you for another woman.
The morning after is never so bad, sometimes beautiful, especially if you have drunk the water.
In the evening, you want to go back to Old Monk again.
Old Monk is our man. Long live Old Monk. We will grow old with you.
— Three Women
