Noor, a name that literally means light. Noor, a young woman full of light. Noor, a kind soul who was taken away by a murder so gruesome that it has shaken Pakistan. Noor, whose parents are going through the worst trauma, the kind that no parent should ever have to go through. Noor, a woman who was tortured before her brutal murder. Noor, your death has left us in darkness. It has shown us that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Noor, your murder has made all of us women cry in horror. It has made us scream in agony. Noor, we have failed you and your parents. We cannot apologize enough. We cannot, we just cannot express in words what we are feeling.

Noor Mukadam was beheaded by Zahir Zakir Jaffer in Islamabad last week during the Eid holidays. According to the journalist, Salman Masood, Noor’s killer “is a man she knew for more than a decade”. Zahir, the son of an influential businessman, held Noor captive for almost a couple of days at his house before murdering her. Noor’s father has demanded justice for his 27-year-old daughter.

A couple of weeks before Noor’s murder, a harrowing video went viral on social media in which a man, Usman Mirza, was seen beating up and harassing a young couple and stripping them naked in front of several male accomplices at a private property in Islamabad. He also subjected them to sexual assault. Mirza was arrested along with his accomplices. He has a history of harassing and blackmailing women. When the video went viral, we wondered if anything could be worse than this. But we heard many other stories that were even more traumatizing. A 30-year-old woman, Naseem Bibi, was raped in front of her 14-month-old son just a few days ago. Both were stabbed by the rapist and murderer. Both mother and child succumbed to their injuries. Earlier this month, a woman was shot dead by her husband in front of their children; they were also injured. This month, a mother of four was tortured and killed by her husband in Hyderabad. Her name was Quratulain. And then there was Noor; her death has shattered us all. But this vicious cycle never ends. Every day we see a new hashtag on social media demanding justice for a child and/or a woman. An editorial in The News rightly calls violence against women an epidemic. It is an epidemic that seems to have no end in sight.

In 2016, a young law student, Khadija Siddiqi, was stabbed 23 times by Shah Hussain, who was later convicted. But Hussain has been granted an early release from jail. Khadija says the Punjab government has granted him an extraordinary remission of 1.5 years. “State to be blamed,” tweeted Khadija.

Such is the sorry state of affairs in a country where violence against women is on the rise. It seems that nobody cares about the safety and security of women, be it the State or society. Fingers are pointed at women in most, if not all, cases. What was she wearing? Why did she go there? Why didn’t she speak up? Why didn’t she tell anyone? Why... why... why? Questions, only for women, only for the victims and survivors, only for their families. No questions for the perpetrators of these heinous crimes. No questions for the rapists, the murderers, the harassers, the attackers. Questions are reserved for the vulnerable, always. When women speak up, hardly anyone believes them. When women tell their stories, they face an ugly backlash and pushback from society.

Being a woman in a patriarchal society is exhausting. Sometimes we get angry, but mostly, we are just tired of being angry. We have had enough of rape apologies, we have had enough of being questioned for our every move, we have had enough of toxic masculinity, we have had enough of being told how to sit, how to talk, how to dress, when to go out — we have had enough. Period.

Women are not safe in their own homes, on the roads, in their friends’ homes, at workplaces. Women are just not safe anywhere. And most importantly, women are on their own. Will we ever feel safe? At the moment, there is not much hope. But maybe, just maybe, one day we will be able to live our lives without any fear. For now, we have to keep raising our voices for all the Noors, Saimas, Quratulains, Naseems and countless others. We hope that they all find justice, for themselves and for us.

Mehmal Sarfraz is a journalist based in Lahore; mehmal.s@gmail.com