He speaks passionately, yet with a sense of calm. His eyes twinkle with wisdom and his sense of humour will make you laugh even as they impart key life lessons. Gaur Gopal Das. ‘Personal coach, monk, lifestyle and motivational strategist, author, filmmaker’, with 7.4 million followers on Instagram. In Calcutta recently as a keynote speaker at SIP Abacus presents admissiontree.in Conversations 2023, partnered by Narayana Group of Schools, an ABP initiative, partnered by t2, at ITC Royal Bengal, he chatted with t2oS extensively on a leisurely Saturday morning on his personal journey so far, what prompted him to embark on a path of spirituality and how best to be a master of your emotions and life.
QWhen you see yourself in the mirror now, what of your electrical engineer self do you see still remaining in you?
The first thing I see is the reasonable, logical, rational approach to life. So, what was to technology is now to life because the mindset is agnostic of where it’s applied. Bringing facts before feelings, which is engineering. Emotions are a crucial aspect of life, but a lot of times, I see people making decisions based on emotions and decisions made based on emotions could be erroneous because you don’t deliberate or fact-check or mull over it.
That (the reasonable, logical, rational approach) also comes across in my presentations. If you see the talks, there will be a structure and even my humour is correlated.
Q What made you give it all up? Was there a buildup and did it require courage on your part?
I always say that there is no one thing that triggers a decision. Sometimes there is, but if there’s one thing that triggers a switch from this to this, there will also be another thing that triggers another switch. People living on the basis of triggers cannot sustain anything. You look at the job scenario. The shelf life of such decisions is very low. For me, there was no one trigger. There was definitely a buildup and that was two things. Number one was the buildup of the dissatisfaction with what I was doing. Andre Agassi is a classic example (in his autobiography, Open, he wrote he hated tennis), but there are millions of Andre Agassis there who are not drastically hating what they do but they are not content with what they do. It kind of builds up internally. The issue is bills to be paid, mortgages to be sorted, families to feed, terminally ill patients to care for at home and social obligations. At times, you don’t find the guts to make that shift. There are real-life liabilities.
There are two approaches there. Like Agassi, you continue to make the money and then see when an opportunity comes to use that money to chase what you wanted to do or just give up straightaway. Obviously, the questions that came to my mind were what is it that I would love doing? The loud and clear answer was I wanted to work with the lives of people. How and in what space was a detail to be figured out. I didn’t want to work with machines and systems in corporate organisations. Nothing against it but we all have our calling. I decided that I had to be true and authentic to my calling. I have had a spiritual inclination from my early childhood, wanting to look for answers to existential questions. To ask those questions at that age is not a very normal thing. I must have been nine-10.
If you look at it (the urge to shift) from a spiritual dimension, it is seeking your spiritual calling. If you look at it from a professional dimension, it is your passion to do what you love to do and not sticking it out with something you are great at, but not fulfilling. It was an uncalculated risk. It’s like a love affair... when you are so madly in love, you don’t see the risks involved. Which is why I often joke, love is blind and marriage is the eyeopener. (Laughs)
It took about zero courage because the intelligence was only working until the point of figuring out that this is the path to take and as you fall in love, that takes a backseat.
When I came to the ashram, that was the marriage (laughs). Suddenly, a lot of the things that I never thought I would have to do, now were there. Waking up early was a normal thing for me. So, that wasn’t a problem. Until the day I came to the ashram, I never ate anything if it wasn’t according to what I wanted. Pampered in that sense. At ashrams, you have to eat what’s cooked at community kitchens. The first day I went to the ashram, they sent me out to sell books (Bhagavad Gita) at the railway station. It wasn’t so much about doing that, but what if my family, friends or parents’ acquaintances saw that? That’s when I realised that in each of our life’s journeys, which could be our work or personal relationships or chasing a passion, a lot of times we find things to be inconvenient because we lose track of our focus on what we actually came there for. When do partners find that they have lost that spark in a relationship? When they forget what they actually connected for....
For me, I had this principle very clear. These are inconveniences, but will there be anything you choose in life where there are no inconveniences? There may be inconveniences, but I have chosen to do what I love to do. And, then I knew that I have to constantly keep reminding myself of the fact that I came here for a very different purpose. And, the more I kept realigning myself with what my purpose was, these things started seeming really trivial.... This is life, in whatever we do.
I, however, do not advise people to take such uncalculated risks. Do what’s required to make the money. When real life calls for responsible commitments, be an Andre Agassi. Continue to do what really fulfils you even if it’s on the side and maybe the money at one point of time can start funding and paying for what you really want to do.
(Left) Monkify, an app that was launched in January, as a “facility” where people “can start taking charge of their feelings”, (2nd last) Energize Your Mind talks about a range of emotions and how to be in “charge” of them
Q Were your parents okay with it?
How can they, right? (Laughs) Their only son. I have a younger sister. I come from a Marwari-Jain family, and in a Marwari family, the son is meant to take over and run things. Here I was qualified as an engineer, doing well and suddenly, one fine day, you are gone. So, it wasn’t easy at all for them. Kuch log aapno ke liye saapno se dur rehte hai aur kuch log saapno ke liye, aapno se dur rehte hai. To find that ideal balance is utopian according to me (laughs).
Initially, when I was a young monk, you are in that spirit where you justify everything saying it was for a higher purpose. Maybe it was true, but the world also includes those who love you, what about them? Over a period of time, when I slowly started getting deeper into my own mind and consciousness, I realised it’s a wrong mindset. Today I take complete responsibility for the anguish, agony and pain I caused them.
My father left in the year 2009. He was an amazing and kind man, but till 2006-07, it would come up in conversations. As a parent you are worried and your security matters most. Two days after he left, my mom held my hand and said my leaving caused tremendous pain to them, but from Day One, she felt that the decision I made was the best. She knew I was happy and was taking a step to do something different. She has picked up every little nuance of the practices we follow and she is totally into it now. Our phone calls and discussions revolve around spirituality a lot now.
When you follow your heart, it’s going to be a journey and there will be struggles, but it will lead to something beautiful eventually. Acceptance takes time and heartfelt acceptance takes even longer. Endorsement and heartfelt support for what you do takes much longer. For me, 20+ years.
Q Has your practice helped you deal with life better?
Absolutely, 100 per cent. None of us can ever say we are there, but we are always better than before. Whatever we practise regularly is what we get better at. If you practise cricket every day, will you be a Virat Kohli or a Sachin Tendulkar? May or maybe not, but you’d be certainly better at cricket than before. Mastering your feelings and taking 200 per cent charge of your life is a lifelong journey, but can I get better at it every single day? Hundred per cent.
I can surely say that in this journey, I find myself at a juncture today where I am so much better than what I was before. It’s always a journey. You can keep refining and improving the quality of what you are doing.
Q What is a day in your life like?
Until this insane travel started in the last couple of years, the discipline was spot-on. Now the timings change but the discipline is still spot-on. I continue to do the same thing every day irrespective of where I am in the world. I wake up anywhere between 3am-5am. If it’s been a very late night, say 1.30am-2am, then 6.30am-7am. One thing I recommend doing is not to touch your phone in the morning. That’s the worst thing to begin your day with. It’s such a beautiful day to start your morning. Why do you have to look at someone’s Instagram story and clutter your mindspace? I am already looking at what I don’t have, in the morning. Should I begin my day by focusing on what I don’t have or do have?
Your day should begin without clutter. Jim Rohn (American entrepreneur) had said either you run the day or the day runs you. For me, I choose to run my day. I don’t look at the phone for an hour-and-a-half but people can decide to do whatever suits them. Begin with anything. But if there is work pending, I’ll just do that much.
My morning should begin with gratitude. It could be a small thing to be grateful for, that I got up this morning, I am healthy this morning.... We must begin with the right physical and mental hormones. The right mindset works on the body and there is a mind-body connection. The right kind of hormones make you feel good and confident.
I also focus on mantra meditation for an hour-and-a-half. Then I get ready for my workout. My trainer travels with me. At 8.30am, there are talks by different people in our ashram and community. I hear that talk. The needs of my body, soul, heart and intelligence have been taken care of by 9.30am in the morning. Then there is a bit of reading, content, meetings and social media posts. I love it because it’s completely in alignment with what I have always wanted to do. When you hear testimonials from people, they strengthen the foundation of what you have started it for. I have lunch around 10.30am-11am. Post that I have chill time watching something. I am driven by the content that is there, not so much its entertainment value. There is a Hindi movie I saw in 30 days! (Laughs) Then it’s nap time, around noon. There are no alarms, but it never crosses 45 minutes to an hour. Then I love to read and listen to others. I also love to spend time with my friends in the ashram. If I am in the ashram, dinner is at 5.30pm-5.45pm. Around 7.30pm-7.45pm is my wind-down meditation. Half an hour before going to bed, I do not touch the phone. Usually between 9pm and 10pm, I call it a day.
The principle is a day ended well is a morning begun well. A morning begun well is a day lived well. I feel a lot of us live our lives in the auto-pilot mode. You need to come out of that mode and start taking charge. Once you are in charge of your life, you’ll see how the quality of your life drastically improves. Start with small things. The magic is in those small things. We don’t even realise the power of compounding. That is the foundational premise of transformation in life.
Q Do you see mental health becoming a pandemic?
Absolutely. Stimuli and trigger for our mental health to be disturbed have always been there. Earlier there were less triggers than now because there was no smartphone and avenues to compare lives with others, but there were enough struggles still. They led a life where their coping capacity was high. How do you increase that? By gradually building it up.... Today, we live our life moving from one commitment to another and always under pressure of deadlines or shall I call them dreadlines?! (Laughs) We live a life without pausing. If you don’t have time for yourself, how do you build your mental immunity? I need to pay attention to my inner needs.
Before we build that immunity, we have to address the issues that have already happened. I am already diseased. Which is why I wrote the book Energize Your Mind, which was about dealing with what we are going through, whether it’s FOMO, depression, guilt. You know how much people live in guilt today? People have an extra scoop of ice cream and feel guilty. That food causes less harm than the guilt that is eroding your mental health away....
Even if it was a mistake that I made, can’t I forgive myself? Living in the past, dealing with traumas or abuses, can’t let go, carrying it all here (points to his head). The book was to help people take charge. Up until it comes to the level of medical or professional help, I would say a vast majority of people can take charge and take a few of these tools and help themselves and heal themselves. Mental health is a personal responsibility. Even if professional help comes to you, you cannot do much unless you take charge of your own life.
We also felt that we needed a practical tool. Which is why we came up with this app called Monkify. We just launched it in January. The purpose is to give people a facility where they can start taking charge of their feelings. It has offerings like affirmations. Monitoring our self-talk and making sure it’s constructive and positive is important. You don’t spend time as much with anyone else as your own mind.
Then we have Wisdom Lens. It is to look at life’s situations from a different perspective. A heartbreak, a loss of job, death of someone close to you, extreme grief, guilt, depression, loneliness, feeling unloved, abuse.... We also have guided meditations that deal with particular emotions.
A lot of people have trouble sleeping. One of the most magical things we remember is our grandparents and parents putting us to sleep with stories. They are incredible means to fall asleep. If we could have stories for kids, why can’t we have stories for adults? So, we have Sleep Tales. We have video content too in podcasts. We intend to start masterclasses, a 21-day course on habits and sound therapy.
We also have a facility for journaling and none of our team has access to that. You can write your heart out and you can start monitoring your journey slowly... growth or lack of growth.
One of the things I have always believed in is you don’t have to have everything figured right away. Things evolve and you learn more. This is again a journey.
Q Are emotions a bane or a boon? And, how to channelise the negative emotions into something positive?
Do you think a knife is good or bad? It depends on how it’s been used. The knife is neutral. Emotions are like that. It depends on how you channelise them and utilise them. Imagine a life without emotions....
Q There are people who are clinical and can keep it aside...
The people who have been to keep it aside are either wired like that or they have built themselves up over a period of time to be like that. I feel each one of us has tremendous hope to build ourselves. There is no need to feel hopeless, helpless and overwhelmed. We can rebuild if we make the right choices. Take professional help if need be and come to a stage where you can start rebuilding yourself. We can take charge of our emotions, hundred per cent.
For example, anger. When you are angry, the tongue starts working faster than your mind, which means you are not processing your thoughts. All you need to do is wait. Giving time stops you from overreacting or stops you from reacting because you might realise it’s not a fact at all, just a perception. It’s not easy. If you can’t do it, leave that spot. If you are still around the trigger, just take a few deep breaths. Deep breathing is extremely powerful in calming the mind and people underestimate the power of the system we have been given. There is a self-healing system created within us to calm the mind down. Journaling helps and you can use a 100 swear words! (Laughs) I am not a proponent of swear words, but uncensored thoughts. It purges your mind and you are in a much better situation to deal with the reality of how it is meant to be dealt with.