When life gives me lemons and I am in no mood to make lemonade, binge watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. is my note to myself that change is not the only constant. Miles away from the Pacific Palisades in Los Angeles, on waking up to the news of Matthew Perry’s passing on October 28, 2023, the heart seemed to mourn the loss of a friend. Because while Chandler Bing lives on, the character is also a reminder of the untimely death of Perry.
Chandler Bing is my soulmate. A fellow introvert who blooms with his squad, keeps unresolved inner conflicts and heartaches wrapped in a cocoon, struggles to profess love. And it is reassuring to be writing about Chandler in the present tense.
On the first anniversary of Matthew Perry’s passing, here’s looking back at some Chandler moments that remain precious forever.
The empty nester
Through the seasons of F.R.I.E.N.D.S., many moments have been rewatched and revisited. When talking of Chandler, the first scene that holds a special place is when he hugs Joey as the latter gets ready to move out of their apartment. The Mr. Funnybones, who self admittedly used wit as a defence mechanism, could not mask the fear of impending loneliness. Chandler parting ways with Joey, with misty eyes and a flushed face, gives me separation anxiety every time I watch the episode. It reminds me of letting go of my best friend many years ago, while believing in the power of friendship and not on the practical claws of time zones and geography.
Love, found and lost
Finding love and failing at it perhaps is one of the hardest things to do. With parents who had a strained relationship, Chandler did not come from a home of harmony, which made him a commitmentphobe but one who yearned to build a stable home with a loving partner. In his relationship with Janice, he saw a future. He welcomed the complexities of adult life and made efforts, forgoing his own commitment phobia in the hope of finding love. Many know how difficult it is to open your heart, while fearing that the house of cards of your relationship might only need a whiff of a breeze to collapse. Chandler letting go of Janice broke hearts, making us relive personal losses.
Building a home together
The sadness for Chandler’s broken heart was not long drawn, thankfully, because soon came Monica. With the two of them came love with vulnerability, a tryst with commitment and compatibility. Even when times were bleak, they had a room full of light, and two imperfect souls “living in a fishbowl” who wanted to make a home together. And they did.
Chandler found his happily ever after, and that gave all us imperfect humans some hope. It still does. In his relationship with Monica, Chandler was often a faulty human who made me reach out to the screen and yell, “Don’t let her go!” Thankfully, he did not let her go after all. He felt the pangs of jealousy with Richard, making me dislike the charming man too. He felt that pit in the stomach, making me anxious as well worrying if he would be able to find his way back to Monica. But when he did, he made it work.
Love vs friendship
Now that’s a tough juncture in life, isn’t it? Especially when it concerns matters of the heart — ethics, morals, heart on fire! When Chandler fell for Kathy, who was seeing Joey that time, it was a tough situation but eventually love won, and so did friendship in a way. Chandler came clean to Joey accepting the cutest possible punishment — silent introspection in a box as the remaining group of friends continued their daily business in the room. The fact that Chandler agreed to be in the box to face the punishment of listening to his heart speaks volumes about how much he valued Joey. And in return, when Joey asked him to follow Kathy and win her back, the hug between the two friends proved chosen families seldom fail.
I’ll be there for you
There is no better remedy for a bad mood than F.R.I.E.N.D.S., because where else will you find someone with a duck and chick as pets, someone so glued to their recliners that they will need a well-thought-out plan to get food delivered to the opposite apartment, or a group of people opt for a foosball table instead of a dining table, or any other such outlandish yet relatable quirks? Let’s not forget the rather Freudian moment of Chandler trying to have a moustache like Richard.
F.R.I.E.N.D.S. is not a comedy show, not for me. It is a rollercoaster ride of emotions through relatable and familiar yet novel territory. The bizarre events, the many quirks unfailingly make me laugh even after watching the series a hundred times and this unfailing charm is what makes it special. Perhaps the most special part of the charm is Chandler Bing.
Rest in laughter and love, Matthew. You are missed.
Alexa, play F.R.I.E.N.D.S. on Netflix, episode one: The One Where Monica Gets a Roommate.
