Forty-four days after Hersh Goldberg-Polin, 23, was seized by Hamas, his left arm blown off by a hand grenade, his parents have no idea if he is dead or alive, hidden somewhere in the rubble of the Gaza Strip.

There is no information about the fate of Goldberg-Polin or any of the nearly 240 people believed to be held hostage in Gaza. There has been no proof of life, no evidence that they are being fed or given medicine, and no contact with the outside world.

The not knowing, families of the hostages say, is nearly unbearable, leaving them desperate for information at a moment when they are receiving practically none, even as reports swirl about a possible deal for the release of some women and children.

Negotiations are taking place far from public view, and the Israeli and US governments have shared very little about who might be included in a deal, the families say. Publicly and privately, officials have told relatives that the talks are too sensitive to reveal anything.

Being kept in the dark for six weeks has left the families frustrated with aid organisations including the Red Cross, which says that Hamas has refused to give its workers permission to see the hostages.

Jon Polin, Hersh’s father, rejected that explanation.

“Don’t let anybody tell you, ‘Sorry, we’re not letting you in,’” said Polin, an American living in Israel whose wife and children are also US citizens. “That’s not acceptable. Go get global leaders. Go get the pope. Go get rabbis. Go get imams. Don’t take no for an answer. Shame on you for taking no for an answer.”

The pleas have been heard inside the Geneva headquarters of the International Committee of the Red Cross, which in 1949 was designated as the world’s neutral organisation charged with discovering and disseminating information about the wounded, sick or detained during times of war.

But the organisation’s leaders insist they are doing all they can — publicly and behind the scenes — to negotiate with Hamas.

“We share the frustration. We understand the pain,” said Jason Straziuso, a Red Cross spokesperson. “We’re not bulletproof, and it’s not possible for us to walk into a conflict zone in hostile territory without permission — to walk up to a group of people, most certainly holding guns that they will use, and demand that they let us inside. It’s not possible.”

The Red Cross has about 130 employees in Gaza, he said, giving it some ability to deliver humanitarian aid and to visit the scenes of destruction from the war. But even with that access, meeting with the hostages requires an agreement with Hamas. Straziuso said Red Cross officials were talking to Hamas, Israel, the US and other nations about the condition of the hostages.