The last year was tough; our/my world literally turned upside down in so many ways... many of us don’t even know half of it.

However, amid the uncertainty, I’m trying to make sense of key moments that enabled time to go on and for life to continue. The losses and despair felt heavier than normal, and the joy and love felt stronger and more consequential than before.

Friends in our midst passed away, and the situation in India appeared to reach new unthinkable lows every day. I also had to learn to come to terms with the loss of a relationship. Far too often we feel imperative to look for lessons in these dark moments, like our own worst preachers. This is unnecessary and not always helpful. Sometimes, things are crap and should rightfully be acknowledged as such.

There was light too. While I was physically distant from family, we spoke more frequently, laughed more together, had meaningful conversations. I intimately got to know my housemates, in an accommodation that had otherwise been too busy/on different schedules/too strapped for time. While I have yet to fully reflect on the mucky nature of this year, this was also a time that I found myself supported and just about confident enough to begin my masters.

I moved back to London and rekindled old friendships and made new ones; met new co-conspirators, whom I have loved scheming with and talking to, sometimes hours and hours over video chat. I made marginally more time for artistic ventures from a past life, including drawing. And found a whack community of gym enthusiasts who helped London feel more familiar again.

Undergirding these moments, dark or light, are the connections that sustained me throughout them. They’re not specifically reflected on this post, but I am indebted to them all.

My earliest memories of Id consisted of putting on new clothes, offering prayers at the jamat in Kalighat Club, then heading out to my grandmother’s house, eating a special breakfast as a family where we would spend the entire day. It was nice and low-key. The second day of Id is always blocked by all my friends and family for my father’s annual Id party. I have had my friends from London, Greece, Dubai, Delhi and Mumbai literally fly down for the event in the previous years.

Id in London is quite festive. My friends and I would usually go to Regent’s mosque, where Muslims from all over the world come to celebrate universal brotherhood. It is also known for being one the most diverse mosques in London and hence, the gathering is rather large. So, the Id namaz is offered in shifts in the morning. After the prayers, we all go to the basement of the mosque where breakfast is provided and we get to meet and greet everyone.

This year, because of the pandemic, my housemates and I decided to go to the mosque closer to our place in North London. The jamat was smaller and social distancing was practiced during the namaz.

The concept of Id away from home is a rather difficult one. However, I have been fortunate enough to have friends around me who tried to make the day as festive as it can be in their capacity.

My housemates and I ended up going to McDonald’s for breakfast after our prayers and came back home and talked about how each of us spent Id back home. In conversation, we realised that we have so much to be grateful for. And what is Id without gratitude?

We spoke about how many kids won’t get to celebrate Id with their families and friends today or even in their own home because it has been demolished or taken away from them.

This year has been a rather tough one for the entire world. And this Id, we wished and prayed for a better future.

This year on Id, I urge you to pray for all the peoples’ oppression at Al Aqsa mosque, Palestine; China-Xinjiang; Kashmir; Syria; Iraq and Yemen. And also for the countless lives lost to Covid-19 in the past year.

May Allah bless you all with your desires and all what he desires for you.

Id Mubarak!

Mariam Zaki is a master’s student in Global Media, Diplomacy and Post-Colonial Communications at the School of Oriental and African Studies, University of London