Back in the 80s, before scientists had come up with a name for it, AIDS was casually referred to as Grid (Gay-Related Immune Deficiency) or even gay cancer. “Such terms were inaccurate and insensitive,” said Anindya Kar, a doctor speaking at a webinar on the rights of LGBT+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and related communities).

In 2020, the community may be better off than in the 80s but the discussion revealed that society still has a long way to go before LGBT folks feel truly at home. “Homosexuality is just a variation of sexuality. Like being left-handed, it is simply less common but sadly, the world is yet to understand this,” said Kar, who is assistant director and chief medical officer of Advanced Neuropsychiatry Institute, Joka. “States like West Bengal are still better off. Here a person like Rituparno Ghosh is respected despite his orientation but up north, things are frightening.”

The webinar was conducted by PeaceLiveLaugh, a counselling, life coaching and mental health unit with a branch in BL Block. “Even today, we have clients who bring their homosexual children to us and ask us to ‘fix them’. It’s such parents and families who need counselling,” said Kakoli Das Mandal, psychotherapist and co-founder of the group, who moderated the session.

Growing up gay

“In school, it is expected that a boy will like a girl but if by chance that is not the case he is bullied. If an effeminate boy goes to complain about his harassment, he is further ridiculed. In our country teachers lack gender sensitisation,” said Kar.

His sister, a counsellor, had once assessed a bullied student and found that he might be homosexual. She wanted to speak to his parents but the principal would not hear of it. “He said such an assessment would unsettle the parents and they would take his ward out of the school. So the topic was buried and the child’s harassment continued,” he sighed.

Kar explained that chronic stress from school, the neighbourhood and within the house leads students to the their threshold and makes them vulnerable to mental health issues.

Aritra Kanjilal, an openly gay individual who champions the cause of LGBT rights, was another speaker at the forum. He noted that most suicides and attempted suicides in the LGBT community took place at the student stage. “Adolescence is tough as it is and if someone’s orientation is different he has this additional burden to bear. Families need to tell them that their feelings are valid so they can focus on other aspects of growing up,” said Kanjilal.

Doctors need empathy 

When Kar was in college he had wanted to conduct a study on the attitude of Indian medical students towards homosexuality but the authorities rejected his proposal as being unnecessary. “But it is extremely necessary. It may affect patient care,” says Kar, who fought it out and conducted the study anyway. “As per the 2018 study, 15 per cent doctors felt homosexuality was an illness and 24 per cent felt homosexuals were neurotic,” he said sadly.

“We live in a country when if a homosexual teenager visits his doctor with a sexually transmitted disease the first thing the doctor asks is: ‘Do your parents know you’re doing all this?’ Who gives the doctor the right to judge his patients?” said Kar.

He cited the case of doctors from rural and conservative backgrounds who get into the profession without any knowledge of homosexuality. “Since the education system doesn’t so much as mention the term, such doctors believe it is abnormal. They don’t even talk properly to these patients. And since the LGBT community as it is lives in fear, they don’t know they can sue doctors for such behaviour.”

Queer and married

“Why is the ideal family always depicted with a mother, father, son and daughter?” wondered Kanjilal. “Why is a same-sex couple never highlighted? Let alone marriage, could the government and society at least consider same-sex union?”

Kanjilal said he and his same-sex partner have a difficult time renting a home together. “We have to tell the landlord we are cousins or school friends. We cannot open joint accounts, our relationship status has no legal recognition.”

Another can of worms is gays being forced into marriages. “A 2018 study found a huge portion of Indian gay men to be married,” said Kar, citing the web series Made in Heaven on Amazon Prime where the character played by Vinay Pathak is a closeted gay man living with his wife and child. “The complex situation requires family counselling. If the man ‘comes out’, his wife accuses him of having cheated her all these years. Then comes the question of divorce, which itself is a taboo.”

Then again, Kar said many gay men inform their would-be brides about their orientation beforehand. “It’s a marriage of convenience. To the world, they are a couple but in private each is free. Such a marriage, too, was shown in Made in Heaven,” he said.

Welcome at work

In the 1950s, British scientist Alan Turing, considered the father of theoretical computer science and who helped crack Nazi codes during World War II, was prosecuted for homosexuality. “Instead of being honoured, he was administered hormone treatment to try to ‘cure’ him,” said Kar. Turing died of cyanide poisoning, which many believe to have been suicide. Kar also touched upon other torturous ‘treatments’ meted out to homosexuals down the ages.

In the 21st century, at least some MNCs have embraced the community. Kanjilal works for a company that he says is inclusive. “They allow medical benefits for same-sex partners, have gender-neutral adoption policies…. Why, last year we even took part in an LGBTQI (the last two letters stand for queer and intersexed) job fair in Bangalore,” said Kanjilal, who leads their company’s South Asia ‘pride’ employee resource group.

Footfall at the job fair comprised mostly members from the LGB community as transgenders lack formal education and it is difficult to even reach news of such an event to them. “Transgenders who did come did not have resumes and we wrote their details down for them.”

Sambit Dey, who used to work for the same company as Kanjilal and spoke on the forum, felt any kind of diversity increases productivity, be it women, the differently-abled or LGBT. “If an employee is holding back, he is not free to work to his full potential. In fact, a lot of companies are now hiring LGBT but only to tick a box. The atmosphere is missing at their workplaces with people still sniggering at employees from the community. A huge help is if the top management is an ally,” he said.

While their company advertises vacancies on LGBT websites, the applicant is free to hide where he spotted the ad. “It is against the law to ask a candidate his orientation but if we create an atmosphere of trust, we can attract talent from there,” said Kanjilal.

After a point, Dey said, orientation no longer matters in office. “Aritra is ‘out’ but we forget about it,” he said.

Straight people can help

Perhaps the most important role in the journey of the LGBT community is played by allies. If you are a heterosexual person but one who believes that gay lives matter, you are their ally.

“Your best friend could be gay. Create an atmosphere so he can ‘come out’ to you without worrying about your reaction,” said Kar. “If you find someone making homophobic jokes, prod him politely. Ask him why he thinks it’s not ok for two men to be holding hands. He won’t have conviction in his answer because there is really nothing wrong with it. Don’t attack them, just help them contemplate. Create peer pressure for others to be nice to LGBTs.”

As for LGBTs trying to ‘come out’, the journey needs support, resilience and someone to confide in. “This need not be a doctor, it could be a friend of family member. And once you are out, don’t be afraid. Raise your voice against discrimination,” said Kar.