Ravichandran Ashwin usually comes across as a tough character on the cricket field. But then a sportsperson’s problems not always necessarily start and end on the field of play. And often, even the toughest feels “crushed” under the weight of circumstances.

The off-spinner, in an interview to ESPNcricinfo, has narrated a similar tale when he felt like he was being “thrown under the bus” after a remark by former head coach Ravi Shastri during a rough phase in his career.

When asked how he felt when then coach Shastri anointed Kuldeep Yadav as India’s No. 1 spinner overseas after he had taken a five-for in the 2019 Sydney Test against Australia, Ashwin said that while he was genuinely happy for Kuldeep, Shastri’s remarks left him “absolutely crushed”.

“I hold Ravi bhai in high esteem. We all do. And I understand we all can say things and then retract them. In that moment, though, I felt crushed. Absolutely crushed,” Ashwin said.

“We all talk about how important it is to enjoy your teammates’ success. And I was happy for Kuldeep. I have not been able to get a five-for but he has a five-for in Australia. I know how big it is.

“But if I have to come and partake in his happiness, and the success of the team, I must feel like I belong there. If I feel like I am being thrown under the bus, how am I supposed to get up and come for a party to enjoy the team’s or teammate’s success?”

Talking to his wife and children helped him overcome the situation, Ashwin revealed. “I went back to my room and then I spoke to my wife. And my children were there. So we were able to, you know, shrug it off, and I still made it to the party, because, end of the day, we had won a massive series.”

Wrong comparisons

In the same series, the 35-year-old had played a key role in the team’s win in the first game.

“The first Test seemed like a distant memory by then. I had taken three of the first four wickets in the first innings after we were bowled out cheaply, and then when it got really flat in the final innings, I plugged away for 50-plus overs and took three wickets despite what turned out to be a grade three abdomen tear.

“In my mind, I had done something great for the team in excruciating pain, but all I heard was, ‘Nathan Lyon took six, Ashwin took three’.

“As it is, I was frustrated with my body for letting me down when I was in really good bowling form. The last thing I needed was these comparisons and insinuations. Between that reaction and Sydney, it didn’t feel like I had played any part at all,” Ashwin said.

Retirement thoughts

The off-spinner, who has 427 Test victims to his name, also spoke of a phase between 2018 and 2020 when he contemplated quitting the game. “Between 2018 and 2020, I contemplated giving up the sport at various points. I thought, ‘I have put in a lot of effort, but it is not coming through’.

“The harder I tried, the farther it felt. Especially with athletic pubalgia and the patellar tendonitis — I used to bowl six balls and then I used to be gasping for breath. And there would be pain all over the place.

“So you needed to make adjustments. When the knee pain got excruciating, the next ball I would probably jump less. When I jumped less, obviously the force needs to be produced through the core and the back and the shoulders, so the pubalgia (a chronic groin lesion) would act up. So the third ball I would be extra side-on to try to use the hips. By the time I was done with six balls, I would be like, ‘I need a break here’,” Ashwin recalled.