Darn it, never thought it would come to this, meaning having to say this, in cold print, in this esteemed newspaper. Not again. Not yet again. But such are things. They repeat themselves. Cannot tell any more whether this repetition is tragedy or farce or something for which a word does not yet exist. Never mind.

And bother not. Or, be bothered not. All ij bell. Sorry, well. All joozed to be in the bell, sorry, well, but now all in well. Understood naa bhai, galat mat samajh leejiyega batwaa, impotent hai jara dhyaan se.

We have our ways. What do you think? Hum bhi koi aise waise nai hain, hum angrezon ke zamane ke jailor hain. Aatenshun!! Henh, henh, henh. We know. We know. HariramNai knows. Hariram! Hamaaara jaasoos! Henh, henh, henh!

HariramNai the jaasoos it is who tells us that we might have gone no farther than just home. For a break. Home. To the blessed land of Beehaar, also known at one unfortunate time as JungleRaaj. Then came a bit of MungleRaaj. And now back to JungleRaaj, or what? Who cares? As long as, you know, I am and my blessed chair is, and the chair is in power and my spine is embedded in it. Samjhe naa?

NishedhHamaar, that is I, that is Me, that is Myself, understood? Okay. So, NishedhHamaar has been called a turncoat and a treacherous man, but he has swallowed such insult and invective in the higher interests of MungleRaaj. And rest assured, MungleRaaj is not going anywhere because NishedhHamaar is not going anywhere. He’s on the pill, you see, that magic pill only he seems to have and periodically, though surreptitiously, tucks within his lower lips, quite like the common folk of Beehar tuck their khaini, or chewing tobacco.

But what our dear NishedhHamaar tucks is a higher thing, not commonly available, in fact so prized a potion it sparks envy among many of his peers. It allows him exclusive rights over Beehar’s only permissible intoxicant — power. He can sleep with one then with another and with the previous one again but whenever he wakes up, whatever the bed, whatever side of the bed, power remains his. The pill is such it also protects him from any consequences of power-promiscuity. His partners may not say the same of the after-effects of their trysts but NishedhHamaar remains unaffected and safe. So, by the pill’s good grace, does Beehar and MungleRaaj.

Come on you, it’s time to wake up

It’s time again to take the pill

Enough has been had, enough sup

Remember, someone has to pay the bill.