Coercion is never pretty. Especially within the marriage bond, which is seen as sacred. Yet Indian legislators have steadfastly refused to make intimate sexual assault or marital rape a crime — except when the wife is below 15, which is illegal anyway. This refusal is an expression of deeply ingrained patriarchal values, dangerous in more ways than one. Coercive sex by the husband undercuts all norms and laws which give a wife rights, status and dignity; it attacks a woman’s physical and mental autonomy, destroys her right to privacy and her sense of self. India is one of the 36 countries in the world that does not recognize marital rape, for in spite of apparent changes in society and social perceptions, a wife in India is still thought of as the property of her husband, to be used as he wishes.

Violence, injustice and regressive notions, however, can be outdone by a wise law court. The Kerala High Court has pronounced that even if marital rape does not exist in penal law, it can yet be a seen as a form of cruelty on the basis of which a divorce can be granted. Rejecting a husband’s appeal against divorce, the high court said in effect that the wife’s body could not be treated as something that was ‘owed her husband’; using it for sex against her will was marital rape. The statement exposes and then throws overboard the patriarchal notion of possession, the root cause behind the refusal to criminalize marital rape. The high court’s reported comments regarding the need to review the divorce law referred to the freedom of choice not to suffer, raising the possibility of including marital rape among forms of cruelty in future. Now, though, the perception of marital rape as a ground for divorce rests with the court’s discretion. But without criminalizing it like all kinds of rape, India cannot claim to be civilized in its understanding of marriage.