Language often falls short when it comes to describing friendship, or, for that matter, its rupture. In spite of the fundamental role that friendship plays in shaping the life of an individual, it seems that there has been little serious research done on this kind of bonding. This is the gap that researchers at the University of Minnesota sought to fill in their latest study. In the process, they came up with some intriguing findings.
For instance, they discovered that since ‘friendship break-up’ is generally less talked about — as opposed to a break-up with a romantic partner for which there is a clear societal script — people often felt unsure about how to handle such a ‘split’ and its attendant, powerful emotions. This collective unpreparedness to deal with the implosion of friendship is in stark contrast to depictions of this bonding in popular culture. Not only are portrayals of friendships dime a dozen — from Sholay’s Jai-Veeru pairing to cult shows like F.R.I.E.N.D.S — but they are also romanticised to the point of being unrealistic. In fact, reports have shown that such sugar-coated reel representations of friendships are responsible for causing stress and friction among friends in real life. What is equally problematic are the clichéd ideas regarding friendship that are peddled by the vehicles of pop culture. Some such fables include curated ideas that testify to friends being always available, usually having the same hobbies and opinions, and coming to help at the drop of a hat. Things, though, work a bit differently in real life. A study at the University of Michigan found that friendships that last are based on the understanding that even the best of friends can sometimes be unavailable. Unreal expectations are not the only hurdle that modern friendships have to overcome. Divergent political views are among the most potent threats to friendship in the 21st century: a Pew Research Center study showed that competing preferences for Donald Trump and Joe Biden among friends were responsible for ending friendly ties between 80% of the respondents. Ever-widening social and economic divisions are also factors that stand between friends these days.
The paucity of research and the above-mentioned challenges to friendship notwithstanding, this unique human bond is emerging to be a fulcrum of modern living. As families disintegrate and kins disperse, leaving societies particularly vulnerable to the epidemic of loneliness, human beings are trying to experiment with novel forms of friendship. Japan, for instance, has been taken over by ‘friendship marriages’ wherein friends get married and share their lives and homes without having conjugal relationships. A study also shows that millennials and Gen Zers are increasingly looking for friends instead of romantic partners on dating apps. In urban India, elderly citizens deciding to share homes with friends in their golden years is not rare anymore.
These societal transformations can no longer be pushed under the carpet. Perhaps it is time for researchers to devote greater attention and resources to decode the newer dimensions of friendship and for popular culture to illuminate friendship in its real, diverse shades.
