We never know how much it hurts – until we feel it. Beyond every long list of squabbles, arguments and shenanigans, staying away from your siblings is always tough. The feeling gets real when you’re chasing your dreams in different cities or countries and miss out on spending special celebrations together.
On the auspicious day of Bhai Phonta, My Kolkata spoke to people in different cities who are away from their beloved siblings, about what they remember and miss most about this day defined by lavish spreads, innumerable gifts and promises.
Feelings and festive feasts
Sampriti Datta with her younger brother
“Being out of town comes with its own blues. The one day that pulls at my heartstrings is Bhai Phonta. From planning gifts to meeting cousins, and the amazing food you gorge through the day. My favourites from the spread were always pulao and mutton kosha — a family staple for us. This festival was the time for all siblings to come together. There’s always something immensely heartwarming about uttering the words Bhaier kopale dilam phonta. This day usually comes right after Diwali and thus, the holiday hangover continued. Schools were closed, no work for a day, celebrations knew no bounds and by the end of the day, you had so many gifts to unwrap. What a fulfilling experience it used to be! I just wish I could run back home on this day and hug my brother tight!”
— Sampriti Datta, 32, sales lead, Delhi
Adulting woes
Nandini Niloy Chakravarty with her cousin brothers
“I grew up in a small town in Assam where my para had a very intimate, very joyous Kali Puja celebration, which we would look forward to every year. My three brothers and I had the same routine every year. I’d wake up on the morning of Bhai Phonta to cook for them, and then get dressed in a sari. With every ‘Bhaier kopale dilam phonta, Jom duare porlo kanta’, we’d break into laughter over something or the other and then proceed to exchange gifts, which would be books or winter clothes. It was almost as if we knew what would be gifted and we were at peace with the routine of it. After a day of feasting, we would head to the parar pandal and our day wouldn’t end before midnight. It’s been three years since I have been home for Bhai Phonta. All four of us are scattered in different cities, and see each other’s faces on our rectangular screens. Our routines are no longer the same and we no longer get the chance to laugh over the same bad jokes together. Adulting is great with its freedom and everything, but it does come at a cost.”
—Nandini Niloy Chakravarty, 23, postgraduate student, Bengaluru
Having your back
Tiyasha Das (left) with her brother on Bhai Phonta four years ago
“We are miles apart, chasing our dreams and life, but as Bhai Phonta approaches, not a moment goes by when I don’t miss the laughter and joy of our little celebrations. The excitement of handpicking khaja and other delicacies to decorate the plate for my brother, in exchange for that one solitary pronaam I get in a year made the day inexplicably special. More than anything, the idea of us protecting, loving, fighting and promising to always be there for each other is what makes the occasion so very special. I miss being home and I miss my brother.”
— Tiyasha Das, 26, product manager, Bengaluru
The first away from home
Adrija Dutta with her brother
“This is my first Bhai Phonta away from home. You don’t realise how much you miss your family until the festivals come around. As my family decks up for Bhai Phonta, I’m away from home and thinking about all the little things I’m missing out on. Going to the market to pick and choose gifts, with the humbling confusion of not repeating the same items again; staying up the night before wrapping them; the food and the congregation; the smile that reaches their eyes on finally seeing what the gift contains. Most importantly, the comfort of knowing that the family is together again in a rare unhurried gathering. Adulting takes away a lot of things, for instance the unacknowledged pain of having to stay away from the people I love the most, but it also gives so much in return, like the joy of seeing them for the first time in a while as they wait for your arrival at the terminal/platform. Bhai Phonta is never going to be the same again, but will always bring its own share of happiness. I can’t wait to be home and see my brothers.”
—Adrija Dutta, 22, postgraduate student, Benaras
Emotion beyond explanation
Prithish Roy with his cousin sister
Living far away from home makes you realise how valuable 12 maashe 13 parbon, family, friends and most importantly, home is. And not being there with my siblings, enjoying the banter and the subtleties of the relationship, makes me realise how much I miss it. A bond so different that it just makes me yearn to return home for this day. From gifting chocolates with those tiny hands to getting big warm hugs of love and protection, from didi’r haate phota to diving into the plate full of kosha mangsho, Bhai Phonta will always be an emotion beyond any explanation. Far away from that unfiltered camaraderie and sitting here in the unknown, I miss every part of being the bhai — the centre of attention — at our Bhai Phonta celebrations!"
—Prithish Roy, 22, postgraduate student, Belfast, UK
Digital postcards of love
Dyutimoy Chakraborty's past Bhai Phonta celebrations
“Bhai Phonta feels different this year, sitting in a different continent away from my siblings and my evergreen Dida. Time zones apart, the feeling of remoteness hasn’t sunk in yet. The familiar sights and sounds of all my near and dear ones will be a big miss this year, with only the late afternoon adda at the mercy of Zoom calls and fluctuating WiFi signals. I wish I could go back to our quaint living room today, which overflows with laughter, golpo and all things home. Distance takes its toll, but the proximity of warm thoughts, love, and togetherness, albeit with the aid of digital platforms, is a much needed postcard from home on this day.”
— Dyutimoy Chakraborty, 22, postgraduate student, Georgia, USA
