On the sidelines of P&G India’s 5th Annual #WeSeeEqual Equality & Inclusion Summit in Mumbai, where actors Rajkummar Rao and Patralekhaa Paul were speakers, the husband-wife duo took some time out to chat with t2 over a Zoom call. Excerpts.
How did your session — Equality is Teamwork…. I can't but WE can — go?
Rajkummar: We were talking about #ShareTheLoad, the new film that Ariel has made and it is beautiful and important. We could totally resonate with the film and the characters in it and how important it is to share the load and be equally involved. We also spoke about equality and being there for each other and understanding each other.
Patralekhaa: Mukta ma'am (Maheshwari of P&G India) mentioned that there are three roles that an individual needs to play in that particular year... she had been told that by someone when she had just become a new mom. You pick those three roles that you want to play in that particular year and give it your best. As a working woman, you get so jumbled up with your career, home... I don't have babies, but I have dogs and my dogs are my babies. Most of the time I am just running and hustling. So, I just feel like... pick up those three roles and tell everyone that these are your priorities this year and work around it.
What does the term 'equality' mean to you?
Rajkummar: I think treating each other with respect and not feeling that one gender is superior to the other and just being involved in everyday work at home. I have been raised that way by my mother. If something needs to be done, I think Patralekhaa and I are equally there to take that decision.
Patralekhaa: I don't need to tell Raj what he needs to do and vice versa... in every aspect of my life. I am in it equally as he is, in the relationship, at work, at home. Things should be unsaid and understood. That's what equality means to me. It's not given that he is a different gender and I am a different gender and our work is different; home is mine and he only needs to earn money. It should be a given that at home, I will look after stuff, but I am going to go out and earn money too.
Do you think equality should never be equated with gender, but rather with ability?
Rajkummar: I think more than ability, it's about treating the other human being with respect. It's about being empathetic and compassionate towards a fellow being.
When you met each other and fell in love and shared spaces, how did you adjust to each other's notion of equality?
Patralekhaa: I know it's going to sound weird, but we were quite alike. I don't know if we got lucky! I really didn't have to adjust to him and he didn't have to adjust to me. The only thing we both adjusted to was our eating habits, but that was not an adjustment. He was happy that I was a Bengali and ate fish and chicken and I was happy that he was a vegetarian. He has never asked me not to eat (non-veg) and I have never forced him to eat or try out chicken.
The only thing was, I was a little messy and because I live with him, I was like if my one T-shirt going back into the cupboard makes him happy, it's okay, what's the big deal?
'I can't but WE can' is very inspiring. Is any relationship like running a marathon, dependent on good teamwork?
Patralekhaa: Yeah, absolutely. I think that's the basis. I think most of the differences will come if it's not teamwork. Not only one individual has to share a specific load. I am not saying women have to stay back at home and work and vice versa. Both the partners need to go out and earn because that satisfies an individual's want of being...
Rajkummar: Self-dependent...
Patralekhaa: And, coming back home and doing the chores, equally.
Rajkummar: We have built this home together and we started from scratch and were both equally involved in making the house. If Patralekhaa is good at something, I would ask her to take the lead because I know she knows this better than me and there are a few things that I am slightly better at, and so she asks me to take the lead. We have that understanding.
Patralekhaa: Raj and I have spoken, whenever we get pregnant, he will be equally with me in this journey and if I am going to take a parental leave, so will he. Be it for a month or 20 days but he is going to be there with the child equally.
What kind of relationships did you see around you that have left an impact?
Rajkummar: I grew up in Gurgaon and have seen my parents raising us and I have seen my mother who was such a strong lady and fighter. I strongly believe that women are way more powerful than men and I am not talking about the physical strength but the emotional strength to take decisions and keep everything together. I think they are very good at it and I have had that understanding since I was a kid.
I have also seen how women have been put in one corner, just to do the house chores and raise the kids, but my upbringing was different, which has had a kind of a strong impact on me and this will remain with me, forever.
What is your message for all the young couples reading this?
Patralekhaa: I just want everyone to be in it together, equally, be it at the workspace and most importantly, at the home space. In the younger generation, most of the girls are working. So empower each other. It's a new phase that our country is going through and will go through because everybody is getting educated. In this new India, people will get a little lost in the sense that because we haven't seen our mothers working as well, it's a new journey we all are taking together. So, respect each other's space and work hand in hand, for the couples living together or are married where both partners are working and be there for each other.