Nusrat Jahan will be seen in a new avatar from November 15. The MP-actress will be presenting a new show with 24 episodes on radio and six episodes on YouTube. “It is a show about love where I give advice, about being in love, about discussing your fears, the troubles you face. I feel love is about togetherness, and how to maintain that togetherness,” smiles Nusrat. A candid chat...
What is love?
It is just like life. You keep treading unknown paths your heart tells you to. Love is about facing your fears. I have spoken to a lot of people, and the show is all about love, and the topics range from being friendzoned to extra-marital affairs to the joys and the pains of going through love and when the excitement is over, then how to spark up the love life. I have spoken to a couple who have had issues after being married for 17 years. This show has opened my eyes to so many new things. I love love. It is probably the most beautiful feeling. We perceive it differently and then something else happens, and love surprises you, love wrecks you, love breaks you, love makes you... when you fall in love you also rise in love.
Ten years ago, who would you turn to for advice?
My dad... whenever I have gone through the biggest problems of my life, my family always had my back. My dad would patiently listen to me and give me a free hand. Thankfully mom would intervene and say that this won’t happen... which actually worked for me! I would follow that and things would pan out well.
What is the major point of difference between Nusrat in 2009 and Nusrat in 2021?
I have grown up. Experience makes you who you are today. I have always been an open person, and I am telling people not to bottle up their feelings and speak up.
Did you have friends back in college who you would open up to?
Yes, but with time I have realised I have trust issues since I have gone through a lot. Dhakka khete khete I have realised this. And trust is not just about getting cheated. Trust can also be about you expecting something major but it didn’t happen. That is a trust factor you build in your head and then you feel betrayed when the trust is broken. One must speak about the issues, because talking always helps resolve a lot of things.
What love advice would you like to give to your 2010 self?
Ki korechhish (smiles)?! Eta tui ki korli?! Incidentally, I don’t have to go so far back, this happened two days ago. I saw a video of mine and I was wondering why did I do this! Yes, I am evolving every day. But as human beings we can never claim that we have learnt everything. We try to not repeat the same mistakes. We make new ones! So we are human. We try and learn. Thinking of reading up on human psychology.
So you’ll hit the books now?
No, I am learning a lot from my better half (Yash Dasgupta). I always thought love is very easy. Until now I know it is the most difficult thing.
Until now meaning? This year?
Now when I have a family. It is love that I have to understand without him speaking. We have to understand each other without asking for things. I tell my listeners to express themselves, speak up, not to keep things bottled up and then I come back home and ask him, “Am I practising what I am preaching?”
Human brain and human heart is complication to the power of infinity. So understanding each heart is a very difficult job. If I had been a heart doctor, I would have had a cardiac arrest (smiles)! It is so difficult to understand hearts. It is easier to understand minds, for me. People who know me would agree with this, and I am being very honest about it.
Nusrat in Kashmir recently. Picture: Yash Dasgupta
Does love make you more responsible?
Definitely, it makes you a better human being, makes you a stronger human being.
You are all about being in the moment and being spontaneous. You never second guess...
You never second guess in love because your instinct tells you what to do.
You are an instinctive person...
Whenever two people are in love then you should follow your instincts.
But now when you are being responsible, do you think twice?
Your gut will tell you what to do. In a relationship, what I have learnt is, before saying or doing anything, think if this happens to you, would you be happy? If you are happy, do it.
Does love mean forgiveness also?
Definitely. You not forgiving someone means you are not out of it. I have had someone call up and say that he is angry at a girl. Love has all sorts of other emotions involved, be it anger, hatred or the feel-good factor. It is a complicated subject.
Is the process of doing a show healing in a way?
I preach what I practise. I realised simple problems can become complicated if not catered to at that very moment. I felt good that maybe I could help them out even if they believed in me for a fraction of a second. That is therapeutic.
I always say what I would do in that situation. Again on occasions I’ve have told them I would never have been in that situation they were referring to.
The best advice is....
... to go all-out honest. Accept your mistake. If you cover up, it gets worse. If you lose out on trust, you lost out on the relationship. There is nothing left then. People have talked about secret affairs.
How have you dealt with it?
I have been very just when I have spoken about these things. The show has given me a free hand to be myself. I have always backed it up with logic. Love is not just about heartache and heartbreak, it is a lot more. There were women who would call me up for mother-in-law issues.
I have heard people mentally stuck in relationships even after parting ways. Not being able to come out. You feel bad when you hear them. You try and convince them to move on since life is vast.
What has it taught you?
I was a very bad listener. The show taught me how to listen. When I started hearing people I realised that one must listen.
I am not a great listener but I am better than before. I have to understand the other person’s point of view. I might not be able to put myself in their shoes but I can try. I would come home and share some of the stories with my better half. For example, couples fighting over social media posts, who has liked whose picture! Why a post wasn’t liked! It is a big concern for them and I try to make it easy for them.