The first film title that comes to mind when you meet artist Chitrangada Satarupa and musician Sambit Chatterjee is Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi. She is the calm to his storm. They have known each other since 2009, as students of mass communication at St. Xavier’s College, Chitrangada a batch senior, and have been together for nine years. Chitrangada left for Mumbai in 2013 and Sambit joined her in 2018. The two are most excited to start the next chapter of their lives as man and wife, ready to tie the knot in January. In a candid chat, the adorable couple tell t2 what marriage means to them. We wish them all the best!
Having lived together for so many years, what difference will a marriage make and what will it add to the relationship?
Sambit: I think the families will feel it more. We have already lived together for so many years. It will add surety and a bank account! We have been wanting to open a joint account for many years. It is for the future. At the end of the day, she is such a good friend that I would want to live my life with her and hopefully she also feels the same... I can’t speak for her...
Chitrangada: Hopefully ki re?!
Sambit: For a secure future, we have to plan certain things which I am very bad at. I am also learning from her every day to take a proper step towards tomorrow.
Chitrangada and Sambit at their engagement in January this year
Have your families been telling you to get married?
Sambit: My parents have been... they love her.
Chitrangada: I told my mother (film-maker Satarupa Sanyal) about it and she is excited... what sari she is going to wear and ei tatwa shajabo. If I had told her that I don’t want to get married, even then she would be cool.
Sambit: My family was like if you want a future together, there are certain things aamader desh e ektu laage.
Chitrangada: His family loves celebrations (laughs).
Sambit: From my father’s side, I am the first son who is getting married. It’s like barite bou aschhe.... that matters to them. I love my parents and they are wonderful people. This is the least we could do.... Right from the beginning of our relationship, she has been coming to my house and they have never said anything.
Chitrangada: Even him coming and living with me in Bombay....
Sambit: I have seen parents are often the biggest hurdles.
Staying together is such a taboo even now...
Sambit: Even in Bombay. That’s also one of the reasons (for the marriage). When we were looking for flats, we missed out on such good flats because we were a ‘single couple’.
Chitrangada: Even married couples fight and there is violence, but (somehow) that’s ok! That’s a very sad thing about our country.
Would you say living in is important before you take the plunge?
Sambit: Hundred per cent. It will help everyone.
Chitrangada: To take such a big step, it is important that you spend some time with each other... live with each other.
Sambit: This is more for the parents. They also feel one shouldn’t do this. Everyone has to let go of everyone’s ownership and let people do what they want if they honestly want to do it and not because it is a trend. Once you do that you will see better discussions, good relations and normalcy. Our living together in Bombay has worked wonders. I feel most comfortable with her.
Chitrangada: That feeling of home.
When did you decide to get married?
Sambit: Last December...
Chitrangada: We had gone to shoot Not A Dream (Chitrangada’s debut single in English) and he said let’s get married.
Sambit: Jaani na, ki odbhut ekta feeling holo! My grandfather has a house in Santiniketan and we were staying there. I had decided to propose but overnight ekta feeling holo.
Chitrangada: We were leaving that day and he was chilling in the backyard. He said we could have stayed back for a few more days and I was like we can come back later and he was like we should come back together. I was like, okay, ektu romantic hochche! (Laughs) The backyard is very pretty and I said you could do something for aunty and uncle’s wedding anniversary. He said we can do something for our wedding. I had thought we would get married someday, but I had not expected he would say it that day itself.
Sambit: I have been anti-marriage since I was a kid. I never believed in the idea of marriage at all. Why bring government and legality in our relationship?
So, Chitrangada changed it for you?
Sambit: Hundred per cent. She has changed the basic feeling.
Chitrangada: Then I was like, what are you talking about and he asked me ‘you want to get married?’ I was like, ‘are you proposing?’ He said: ‘Yeah, will you marry me?’ I said of course, but bhebe dyakh!
Sambit: She knows, palabe! (Laughs)
Chitrangada: He said ‘bhebe niyechhi. Let’s tell our parents’. We video-called them. Obviously they did not believe and said ‘stop fooling around!’
Sambit: My driver said: ‘Gogol (Sambit’s nickname) out hoye gechhe!’ (Laughs)
Chitrangada: When I called my mother and said that we want to get married, she said ‘khub bhalo’. I said he has proposed. She said ‘very good, very good!’ Her reactions are like this.... (Laughs) I told her not to tell anyone. I reached home and saw everyone had come to know! This is the first marriage in my house. The last wedding was my maashi’s, which was before my birth.... My mama’s marriage was in Russia....
What do you guys like about this institution and what you don’t?
Sambit: I like trust about marriage. I don’t like involving people who have nothing to do with the relationship.
Chitrangada: The interference.
Sambit: Anyone’s interference... after our marriage got fixed, when I was going to her house, my mother said I should carry sweets. Eitai! I was why change anything or make things obvious.
Chitrangada: People have asked us where are we settling down after marriage and we are like, we are settled in Bombay. My mother gets very angry if someone says I’ll be gone after a few days. So, there is no vidaai happening.
Sambit: There would be no kanyadaan and vidaai happening. When we are in Calcutta, she’ll stay at her place and me at mine.
Chitrangada: And like we have stayed at each other’s places too... the marriage is like both the families will come together and officially we are together... one family. Irrespective of marriage, we feel responsible for taking care of each other’s parents or even my pets.
Chitrangada, both you and your sister Ritabhari have been vocal about your personal lives. You have also changed your name. Did you have any bitterness about marriage because of what you saw?
Chitrangada: Chhotobelai chhilo. I would really pick and choose (who I wanted to date). I had trust issues. I hated the idea of a girl marrying someone and going and living somewhere else, leaving their own mother. I would start crying and felt that once married, the guy will be very toxic, but when we started being together... though I didn’t think of marriage, I did not feel uncomfortable at the idea of staying with him or getting married to him. I had many reservations in my mind which have dissolved after meeting him. I realised that this (her relationship with Sambit) will be there for a long time. Aami finally karur sathe prem korchhi. Earlier it was just keeping my hormones happy! (Laughs)
Sambit, you have seen happy marriages...
Sambit: They have lasted. I have grown up in a joint family. I thought childhood was this... sharakhon khelchhe, moja korchhe, till I entered college. I was in a boy’s school, and there it’s all about cloaking.
Chitrangada: Their’s is a very close-knit family.
Is there a pressure to make it work?
Chitrangada: We don’t take it as pressure.
Sambit: We are mostly chilling... ei je aamra golpo korchhi... some more added romantic times, but it’s just this. We talk about music, films....
Chitrangada: He has his own life and I have mine.
Sambit: That is very important. It’s very tough when I become her world and he becomes my world. That’s when ownership comes in and we want to avoid that. I don’t own her and she doesn’t own me. We own our feelings... we love each other and that’s it.
Chitrangada: And, it may sound cliched, but we are each other’s best friend.
Sambit: O aamar shob theke bhalo bondhu! I am human... ekta gig e gelam, ekta cute meyer sathe golpo korlam, I come and tell her first... it should be that honest and for her to have that trust... that he is genuine about this (relationship). I think blatant honesty makes our relationship work....
Are the expectations changing?
Sambit: O jodi prottek din shokal chhotai aamar ma baba ke cha na dae!
Chitrangada: Tor mukhe shei cha ta chhure debo aami! (Laughs) If he doesn’t go travelling me, I’ll get angry (laughs).
Sambit: We have overdone it!
Chitrangada: We still have interest in each other a lot! We can’t do a lot of things because of our schedules. May be that too keeps the spark alive! (Laughs)
Chitrangada, what kind of a husband will he make?
Chitrangada: He will make a good husband. He is already a nice guy. Husband material. He cooks well... sometimes massages my legs... though only for two minutes! He makes me laugh all the time. We chat about anything under the sun.... Fatiye jhogra kori, but then we cool off fast too. We are both emotional.
Sambit: We don’t bring our egos into it, which is what I love about her.... There is always rationality.
Sambit, what kind of a wife will she make?
Sambit: I think she’ll make a wonderful mother. Wife toh she already is.
Chitrangada: I was just telling him... ‘wife’ sounds so smooth... ‘husband’ is such a difficult word! I found that weird even as a kid! (Laughs)
Sambit: She is a wonderful friend to whoever she is a friend to.
Chitrangada: We are both passionate about our work and extremely ambitious and I love that. He really inspires me.
Sambit: She too inspires me a lot!
What is the general approach to marriage among people of your age?
Sambit: I think a lot of them detest it. They don’t want to get married. Most of our close friends are not in a relationship. I think millennials are waiting for their own peace of mind.
Chitrangada: I think among my friends, may be they haven’t reached that stage where they would like to stay together, forget marriage.
Sambit: I think we are so used to our comfort zone and being in a relationship means sharing that. The more you share your comfort zone, the more you come out of your comfort zone... nijer comfort zone ta bhangte shobai comfortable noi.
Chitrangada: You have to meet the right person...
Who are your favourite couples, setting couple goals?
Sambit: Us!
Chitrangada: We don’t have goals and in the process we realise we are the goals, but sebhabe dekhte gele, his parents. Still so much in love... fun-loving and cute. They have a beautiful partnership.
Sambit: My maternal grandparents... they were together for almost 62 years. If you love someone, you can spend your life with that person.
Any favourite wedding films?
Chitrangada: Monsoon Wedding. It’s not a wedding film but I like The Namesake....
Sambit: It’s about how to make a marriage work.... Honeymoon Travels Pvt Ltd, Dil Dhadakne Do... what an honest marriage film....
Chitrangada: It is one of Zoya Akhtar’s best.
What are your messages for each other?
Chitrangada: Please make the bed sometimes. I know I’ll only have to do it!
Sambit: We should have more dogs in the house.
Chitrangada: Then what will happen to all your black clothes?
Sambit: Be happy and let me know at any point of time if you are not.
Chitrangada: If there is next life, I’d always want to be with you. Laal hoye gelo (pointing at Sambit)! I can’t imagine my life without him! (Laughs)
Sambit: Same, in a good way.