The news of a 34-year-old techie jumping off his 14th floor apartment at Eden Court recently shocked and saddened neighbours. It also revived discussions of depression and how important mental health is in today’s society.
But depression and mental health are big words. Often what lonely hearts need isn’t a couch at the psychiatrist’s chamber but a friend to share their birthday cake with. Or a neighbour to call and ask how they’re doing. Or a companion who waits for him to come down so they can go on evening walks together.
The housing complexes of New Town are massive and often the walls between the flats are too thick for neighbours to be part of one another’s lives. But associations and mental health groups are introducing little initiatives to foster engagement and a sense of belonging among residents.
The ladies club at Avenida in Action Area II, which happens to be right next to Eden Court where the suicide took place, was formed after the second wave of Covid mandated strict social distancing, stopping all formal engagements. “Five of us thought of a weekly meet-up in our in-house cafe. Others started to join in a trickle. Then we added a birthday celebration. A cake would be cut for everyone born in the month. All our lives, we celebrate birthdays of our children. Who does so for us or even asks about our birthday? From five, our number rose to 100 within a year,” recalls Sarbani Das Roy, one of the club founders.
To engage more women and to stop the group activities from stagnating, the committee changes every three months. “Of course we help out the new organisers,” said Sarbani.
There is no subscription but a participation fee of Rs 200 every time one attends a get-together. “Now we meet once month. Funding is minimal but happiness is maximum,” smiled Kanika Guha.
At the May meeting that The Telegraph Salt Lake attended, several games were played. A quiz was held based on visual clues, using sketches drawn by one of the members, Satarupa Mukherjee. Women came wearing the theme for the meet — floral — and the three best-dressed received token prizes. Also the earliest and newest settlers in the gathering were asked to speak. “My son stays in Norway. It’s been two years here. I am doing very well. When I fell ill, my neighbours had called an ambulance,” said Jharna Goswami, the eldest present on the day at 69 years.
The interaction also helps participants overcome sadness. Savitri Gupta had become reticent after her husband’s death. Daughter-in-law Shivani started to bring her to these meets. “We are so happy to see Mummy smile again,” she said. “Yeh log dil se bulate hai,” Savitri said, as yet another member walked up to her table to ask after her and invite her to the next meet too.
There is some dancing too to music played on a portable sound box.
Members hold aloft an illustration by a neighbour as a visual clue during a Ladies Club quiz at Avenida. (Right) Elderly residents tell stories to children as part of a “nature walk”
Alone but not lonely
The Mallika Malancha complex tries to keep residents involved through their ladies club Maitrayee, that meets up once a month, keeps in touch over WhatsApp, celebrates birthdays of members… They are currently holding a month-long summer camp for kids and earlier this week curated a nature walk for elderly ladies and the kids.
“The idea was broached by member Anuradha Biswas and we loved it,” says 73-year-old Anita Neogi. “Some of us are widows living alone and though we had never gone on a nature walk before, took it up. After showing the kids fruit trees in the compound, we shared breakfast and told them stories about nature. My own grandchild lives in Gurgaon but it felt like I was spending time with many grandkids.”
A ladies club meeting at Avenida in Action Area II. Sudeshna Banerjee
Snehodiya residents undergoing art therapy courtesy the mental health facility Monoshij
The complex had also held an impromptu pithe parbon in winter where residents cooked delicacies for one another. “Many ladies of my age say ‘Aar bhalo lagchhe na’ but I tell them we have to stay positive as long as we live. We meet for walks every evening,” says Neogi.
“There will always be a handful of residents who do not mingle. But we see them busy with their pets. We have informed our security and housekeeping staff about residents living alone and we, association members, try to keep track of them too,” says Arabindo Adhikary, president of Alaktika Housing Complex.
They too have several groups of residents gathering downstairs every evening — a spiritual one performing devotional songs, a ladies group that chats and shares treats on birthdays and anniversaries, and yet another one that gathers at the end of the day to discuss the welfare of neighbours. “We jump to help one another in times of need. Just the other day a neighbour called to say he had had a skirmish while learning to drive his car. We immediately sent him help,” says Adhikary.
Music is the glue in the new-found friendship among seven neighbours at New Town Heights, who call their group Ganer Tori. Kaberi Dasgupta, a music teacher from Udaipur, has inspired acquaintances to sing together. This includes some, like Swapna Mondal, who have never sung in their lives. “This group was formed a year ago. All of us are in our 60s. We have all come from different cities,” said Mondal, who has returned after years spent in Mumbai. Similarly, Rita Saha came from Pune and Rupa Banerjee from Delhi.
They not only take turns to gather in each other’s house but have also started singing outside. “We sang for juvenile cancer patients at Premashraya, the palliative care unit of Tata Medical Center, as also at Thakurpukur (Saroj Gupta Cancer Centre & Research Institute).” Three of the husbands have also been roped in as male voices were needed.
Such is their bonding now that the families dined together twice daily on the Durga Puja days. And when one of them lost her husband recently, the rest made sure that she “did not withdraw” from company.
Chess, art & dance
A mental health group called Sound N Mind Foundation is about to begin a chess programme for residents of Premashraya, that houses patients of Tata Medical Center.
“When the layman thinks of chess he thinks of tournaments and grandmasters but it’s also just a game,” says the group’s founder Sourish Choudhury, who has already started this programme at a housing complex in south Calcutta. “In a world where neighbours don’t speak to one another I’ve seen chess getting them to sit opposite one another for hours, inviting more people to join them and discuss the game. I got this idea from my friend Anirban Mukherjee, a Sector V employee who I found turning to the game to relieve stress.”
They may explore more complexes in New Town hereafter with separate sessions for kids, seniors, homemakers etc.
“I have many patients elsewhere in the state and sometimes response is better in remote areas like Purulia. In big cities, everyone knows everything! Tell them about mindfulness and they say they know what is deep breathing. They’ve done it under some guru or the other. But most of it is superficial and without anyone to speak to, they often turn to the bottle or jump off buildings,” says Choudhury. So indirect methods like chess can reach them better.
There’s another group that has been holding weekly sessions with residents of Snehodiya senior citizens’ home. “We get our college students to meet the elders, teach them some technology, maybe online shopping,” says Aparupa Ojha, clinical psychologist of Monoshij, a mental health initiative of the Techno India group.
The residents are free to go up to them for one-to-one counselling and they do so, too, regarding issues like family discord. “But not everyone can express oneself verbally all of a sudden. For them we do group therapy on movements, art etc. This is the first step to catharsis,” Ojha says. Other than that, the group often holds cultural programmes at Snehodiya and encourages residents to perform.
Write to saltlake@abp.in