For most of India brought up on cricket, football can feel like a rather frustrating game when no goals are scored. Now, I know this can get me trolled in Kolkata, like I suggested Rupi Kaur was more interesting than Rabindranath Tagore. I know you might argue, “ffs, in cricket you could play for five days, and yet have no result! This is merely 90 minutes + extra time + Amber Heard injury claim time”. I get that. But in matches that end in scoreless ties, it does feel a bit like a date that was so bland you almost wish some disaster had happened so at least you would feel something. So basically, like a cold war. A Marwari who may have invested in a nuclear shelter during the peak of the Cuban Missile Crisis might almost wish they had at least detonated a dirty bomb or two to make the whole thing worth it.
Take the score line of 0-0 between USA and England. The former colonial cousins are stuck in a similar scoreline in their game against Russia and China. But luckily for them, both countries are prone to such self-goals, that their own fans have started cheering for the other side. I have little complaints on that front in this World cup though, as it has seen a bunch of goals all around, except from the hosts themselves, who barely opened their account against Senegal losing 3-1. But Qatar has managed to score many a self-goal with its ridiculous rules for the spectators. From no unmarried couples to no alcohol. I’m almost expecting dadas and dadis from Indian joint families doubling up as cheerleaders at this moral policing.
England vs USA: All action; no result Tim Nwachukwu/Getty Images
On this match, I must bitterly confess I also scored a self-goal by betting Rs 500 with my 15-year-old niece that Qatar would manage to score one more goal. This shameful loss would have been hidden from my readers if I wasn’t 12 years old and compounded my error by also betting with her on the South Korea vs Ghana match. Ghana was 2-0 up in the first half when the South Koreans scored two back-to-back goals in a flourish that even the most dramatic K-drama couldn’t match. You’d almost think they were battling North Korea for survival.
But perhaps survival comes more naturally to the average Ghanian and they managed to bring the score back to 3-2. Unfortunately, in my K-pop induced stupor, I bet the Koreans would still win from here. But even the thumping number by BTS’s Jungkook at the opening ceremony wasn’t enough to inspire this reversal. The second bet was if I lost, I had to mention both losses in my next article. So please find above. I hope Gen Z have kids exactly like them some day.
However, the post-match riots after Morocco beat Belgium sounded like a Gen Z online squabble gone wrong irl. According to a news report, “Belgian police detained a dozen people and made one arrest on Sunday after Morocco’s victory over Belgium in the World Cup match in Qatar triggered riots in Brussels with a car and some electric scooters set on fire.” This is a pleasant change from India when electric scooters combust spontaneously giving a whole new meaning to the term “auto ignition”.
In this victory, one hears echoes of both Shakira’s song from the 2008 World Cup and the epic line by Leonardo DiCaprio’s character in Blood Diamond, “This is Africa”. And perhaps in the response of the Belgian rioters one hears “this is post-colonial hangover”. And in the congratulations offered by the Saudi Crown Prince to the Saudi team for their shock win over Argentina, one hears “this is Jamal Khashoggi’s byline”.
At this point in the tournament, all bets are off. So, it is my humble request to Gen Z that they cancel me before I attempt to do so again.
The author is a Marwari investment banker turned corporate comedian. The views expressed in this article are his own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the website.
