Let me be frank — I cannot stand this new Indian side. Where the hell is Nayan Mongia? It took a special skill to steal defeat from the jaws of victory and I’m afraid this new 'Indian' side just doesn’t cut it. I mean its ridiculous. I wanted to switch off the TV after Kohli got out, but some idiot or the other keeps on batting — forcing me to watch the whole match. And they even throw in a six off the last ball just to insult my intelligence.
There used to be a dreary wariness about watching the team inevitably crumble to the opposition even when the heart soared and begged otherwise. Now, there is the same dreary wariness of watching your team pile on 350+ and then crush the opposition so helplessly, that it feels like it is my own inner child from the ’90s who is being thrashed by this new Indian side.
Did the Indian team of 2003 deserve it more? Michael Steele/Getty Images
One particularly galling customer has been Mohammed Shami. I had made it a point to not take a washroom break after Shami takes a wicket because the sneaky devil might sneak in another one. So, I waited for the next delivery, which was a dot ball, and trotted off thrilled at having beaten the great Shami at his own game… till he took a wicket off the next ball. “A fie on you Mohammed Shami!” — I wanted to shout till I realised there was already a woman in his life doing that. This bowling attack is mind-numbingly efficient. In the South African game, they knocked out the opposition even before I had returned from my walk. I didn’t even get to see a single wicket. It’s as if this selfish team is in its own spell, flagrantly ignoring the needs of the fans. I mean this team has genuine all-rounders for crying out loud while he had random “no rounders” like Noel David, a name that made Sachin Tendulkar go “Noel David Who?”.
When Mohammed Shami is bowling, take bathroom breaks at your own risk Robert Cianflone/Getty Images
During the semi-final, I almost wanted to carry Darryl Mitchell back on to the pitch on my shoulders after his dismissal. For God’s sake, at least give us some competition! I was wistfully rooting for them the same way I rooted for the Indian cricket team of the ’90s. I feel a bit like that girlfriend whose boyfriend has now suddenly become a little too perfect giving her nothing to bitch about with the girls. I mean where’s the fun in that? Maybe I am hoping for you to fail so I can feel like you haven’t gotten too far away from me in your quest for perfection. Maybe I am hoping to see Atlas fall from grace so us mere mortals don’t feel intimidated by your godlike presence. And know that you can still be ours.
Now that Australia is in the final, the stage is been set for a revenge match to avenge the 2003 World Cup final defeat. But I wonder if the Indian cricket team of 2023 was pitted against the 2003 Indian team, who would you root for? The titans Bumrah, Shami and Siraj? Or would you wish for a poor Javagal Srinath coaxed out of ODI retirement by Ganguly to get the World Cup swansong he deserved? Would you cheer the swashbuckling sixes of KL Rahul, who donned the wicketkeeper’s gloves just as well? Or would you root for the often-overlooked Rahul Dravid who selflessly kept in that World Cup for team balance and deserved a win? Did Sourav Ganguly deserve that win more than Rohit Sharma?
I hope I can find it in my heart to forgive this team if they crush the opposition in the same way on Sunday. Because if there’s one thing you get as a ’90s Indian cricket fan, it is a very forgiving heart.
The author, Vikram Poddar, is a Marwari investment banker turned corporate comedian. The views expressed in this article are his own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the website.
