“You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”
That was what her brother told her, when she got back home. For 21-year-old Simran Sethi, that statement rang eerily true.
It was not the first time that a boy she had met online had failed to show up at their proposed rendezvous. What truly hurt was his permanent blocking of her on his online accounts. She had frantically messaged him on WhatsApp and even on Instagram moments after she left the coffee shop they were to meet at.
That was when she realised that she had just been ghosted. That day, Simran went straight to her bedroom. And cried.
Prabhjot Singh had been the best thing that had happened to her. And there was no ‘since’ in the reckoning here. He was literally the best thing that had happened to her in her entire life. Suddenly, it was as though he had never existed.
In the days that followed, Simran struggled to come to terms with the fate that had befallen her. What had she done to deserve this? After all, she was the ever-dutiful daughter and a great friend — someone who would not blink an eye when asked for help of any kind.
But who would help her?
She thought back to the days of dating bliss. Those Kala Khatta golas they had relished while the sun set, the wistful look in Prabhjot’s eyes as he spoke of his dreams. Both of them came from Ludhiana, a city they wanted to break free from. Only, he would run away from her, not the city.
Simran often wondered what would happen if they ever met again. Would he be walking with another girl in tow?
She dropped her shopping bags. And then the world went black
A year passed, and Prabhjot was eventually relegated to the background chatter in Simran’s mind. A marriage proposal came, and she silently accepted. Her parents asked her if the boy was ‘changa’, and she just nodded, demurely.
A month later, Simran was married. It was while she was on one of her shopping sprees before she left for Vancouver (which was where she would be relocating with her husband) that she bumped into Prabhjot. At first, she did not recognise him. After all, he had shaved off his hair and was dressed quite unlike the modest version she had adored when they were a thing.
When they crossed paths, he was humming a song by Diljit Dosanjh. Their favourite song…
Their eyes met. While there was a fierce sense of longing in hers, there was nothing in his except for a flicker of surprise. Then, he simply walked past her, and out of the mall. She looked on, thinking he might turn back. He did not.
When Simran returned to her husband’s parents’ home, Kuldeep (her husband) asked her: “Is everything okay, Simran? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Those exact same words her brother had uttered, ages ago. Simran felt faint. She dropped her shopping bags. And then the world went black.
Ghosting is far more commonplace than one might think. In many cases, there are warning signs, which most of us tend to ignore. People drop hints to let you know you are no longer wanted.
On the flight to Vancouver, Prabhjot was all Simran thought about. Once, while the air hostess was asking her and Kuldeep about their meal preferences, she casually glanced at her husband and wondered: “What has the poor man done to deserve this? A wife who thinks about another man?”
It was as though the vacuum that had been left in Simran’s heart by Prabhjot’s absence had turned into a black hole of sorts. One that was sucking everything out of her. The worst thing was the feeling that she did not deserve anything. Not her new husband, not a comfortable life in Canada. None of it mattered, really. Only because a boy from Punjab had ghosted her.
And then a thought started gnawing at her. It seemed random at first, but the more she played it over in her mind, the more it seemed to make sense. Prabhjot was not the ghost. She was.
We are all ghosts of the people we were at different points to different people
Ghosting usually comes with warning signs, which most of us tend to ignore Pixabay
I have been ghosted, too, by a girl I had met and connected with instantly. A girl who had harboured an intense friendship with me almost overnight only to vanish into thin air, not unlike Prabhjot. And yes, our paths did cross later, and while she chose to look the other way, I looked right at her. It was almost as if she had seen something she chose not to believe in. Just like in Prabhjot’s instance, it was as if she had seen a ghost, not me.
Ghosting is far more commonplace than one might think. In many cases, there are warning signs, which most of us tend to ignore. People drop hints to let you know you are no longer wanted. Sometimes, as with Simran, it happens all at once. No matter how it comes to pass, ghosting hurts like hell. It took Simran a while to bolster her sense of self-worth. Over the next couple of years, she forged a bond with Kuldeep, something she had never anticipated. She was no longer that naive girl from Punjab who believed in fairy tales. For she had understood that the best tales do not involve fairies, but people. It took a while, but Simran ultimately let Prabhjot go. In time, he became every bit the ghost he had projected himself to be.
They were both ghosts. Of people that had once loved.
Try as we might, we cannot always get people to treat us the way we want them to. The hardest thing, though, is being a ghost to someone who no longer wants you. All you can do is pick up the pieces. Forge connections with people who see you as real. Ironically, in the end, we are all ghosts of the people we were at different points to different people. Versions of ourselves that no longer exist.
Like souls, the ghosted depart to greener pastures. And take shelter in love, the most important thing that makes us human.
Rohit Trilokekar is a novelist from Mumbai who flirts with the idea of what it means to love. His heart’s compass swerves ever so often towards Kolkata, the city he believes has the most discerning literary audience.
