At the passing of the great monarch, I was hunting for Queen on Netflix and found: “Dumped by her fiance, a sheltered young woman decides to go on her honeymoon to Europe alone, embarking on an exhilarating journey of self-discovery”.
Today everybody runs for shelter whenever this exhilarating woman discovers a part of herself in some unfortunate celebrity. And in the process many of them get run out.
My fellow Marwari folks may recognise the meme going around, “Tum aur tumhare Pitaji ke paas bahut saara paisa hoga”. Now, I will admit this line is actually true for the great monarch who passed away. Some have asked that the UK return the Kohinoor diamond now that she has passed on to the other side.
I don’t know if they have Dunzo in the afterlife. But right now, Europe (more than Kangana) is facing the prospect of a bitterly cold honeymoon.
The stuff of legends
There are many legends about the Queen (of England, not Aap ki Adalat). Like how she alarmed the Saudi King Abdullah, when she took the driver’s seat and showed him around during his visit to the UK (women weren’t allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia at the time). Personally, I was once in a mall in Riyadh, when a gorgeous woman driving her shopping cart “accidentally” ploughed it into me and with a bright smile said, “Aww sorry”. Now, as you can imagine, in any other country this would be a conversation and have a happy ending. But in Saudi Arabia, one can be convicted followed by an inability to ever enjoy any happy ending. So I bhai-zoned myself and rescued my chota bhai from the situation.
Now this being the UK, the funeral is expected to be a subdued affair. Like the boring claps at Wimbledon and Lords when the British hit a four or take a catch. As opposed to India with screams of ‘Sachin! Sachin!’ long after his retirement or Pakistan ki *** ki **** when Pakistan is not even playing! There are stories of aggrieved fans in south India self-immolating themselves at the passing of some great movie superstar. Needless to say, most of these overzealous fans would have to look up the word “immolation” in a dictionary. And before that, look up the word “dictionary”.
Talk of the century
Social media has seen bitter debates on the issue, which obviously scores in importance over inflation, Covid, the War and the time spent on Brahmastra’s screenplay.
Some have shed tears over the passing of the greatest human being since Neil Armstrong and Lance Armstrong’s dealer. Other have criticised shedding tears over a brutal coloniser and white supremacist. To which Tom Alter’s ghost was at pains to clarify those were the only roles he was offered in Bollywood because it’s not like Indians are racist or stereotype white people. Luckily, Disney is fixing the issue by replacing every single white character as an excuse to rehash a decades-old franchise. But enough about the Clinton Foundation.
Queen Elizabeth II passed away at 96 saddening many hearts but none more than Sachin Tendulkar at yet another missed century. Many commonwealth countries have found they have nothing in common with each other with regards to their wealth even after independence. But one thing they all have in common is many of their citizens and elected representatives acting like royalty without any title or crown.
Many have questioned the role of the monarchy in a functional elected representative-led democracy. Why taxpayer funds should be spent on a titular head who has no relevance. The most vocal critics are gender studies majors whose Instagram and LinkedIn bios both read as ‘Queen’.
But even among the critics of the monarchy, the world’s longest serving monarch has carried a fair amount of respect and reverence and some wonder if the successor will be able to live up to the same standards. One should consider that the successor managed to live long enough to succeed her at all is in itself an achievement. People have ceased to exist for far less durations like the third attempt at IIT or the fourth at clearing CA.
I hope to follow the funeral, but all I ask of the paparazzi with deference to a queen who passed away much earlier is that you don’t follow her casket into a tunnel.
The author, Vikram Poddar, is a Marwari investment banker turned corporate comedian. The views expressed in this article are his own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the website.
