Meticulous, positive and matter-of-fact are three things that come to mind while speaking to Aparna Shewakramani who shot to overnight fame for her polarising presence in the controversial show Indian Matchmaking. When the lawyer-turned-author decided to agree to be a part of this show, she had no clue that it would reach the halls of Emmy Awards one day. She was just a simple, ambitious girl who was looking for love. However, branded “too feisty, too negative, too choosy” by the show’s narrative arc and the infamous matchmaker Sima Taparia, her story was convoluted beyond recognition. She only realised this after the show had aired around the world.
“To this day I will not understand what made the woman say such horrible things about me. She was in my house all day, eating her meals at my dining table after we finished taping,” she writes in her recently published book She’s Unlikeable: And Other Lies that Bring Women Down (HarperCollins India; Rs 399). Setting her story straight and sharing the little tips that gave her the ability to stand up for herself, this book was a long time coming. However, now that it’s out there, Aparna has done her part and is moving on to greener pastures. “Maybe not books but there are other projects that I am pursuing with my writing. I don’t know how much of that would come to fruition but I have my plates full right now,” said the author who is ready to embark on her book tour to India next week. We spoke to Aparna straight from New York on Zoom to hear all about her love affair with herself…
Tell us about the inception of the book.
After Indian Matchmaking, I got a lot of DMs from around the world, maybe tens and thousands of them, and a lot of them were really mean and hurtful. And a lot of these were filled with love, which means that the whole thing was really polarising. A lot of them that were kind and were inspired by what they saw on their television screens asked me ‘How did you become this way?’
I began writing the book to answer this question because I realised the show didn’t tell them anything about me –– who I was, what I liked, what I had encountered in life that gave me my confidence or my belief or self-worth. So this book has anecdotes about my life that taught me and made me the woman I am. And the book gave me the opportunity to share my story on my terms.
What is that one thought that you would want your ideal reader to leave with?
What I want everyone to walk away with is that their story matters. I did so much research on memoirs, especially by South Asian women or women of colour. And I realised that they are beautiful and aspirational and I loved them but they didn’t reflect my life. Because I have not yet built a billion-dollar company or been a movie star for 10 years. I am just a woman who is trying to figure things out and in that journey I am sharing my story. We are all deserving of telling our stories and I hope my story inspires women to tell theirs. Maybe not in a book but in her workplace or her children’s schoolyards or in her WhatsApp groups. I think it’s just this belief that I want them to walk away with.
What was your writing process like?
I like to write in very large chunks of time. So I would sit down for 10-12 hours at a time and write. That’s how I write best. I was not really a writer by trade prior to this. I wrote in college and took a lot of writing classes, which is 12-13 years prior to me writing the book! But I recall that was my process back then. It took me 20 days to complete the book.
How did you reconcile with the idea of a 20-member crew taping one of your most vulnerable moments, which are first dates?
First of all, when we were taping it we never thought anyone would even watch this show. I thought maybe my 10 friends would watch it, maybe it would air in America, maybe it would just air in India –– we didn’t know! We found out six days prior to the show coming out. So at the time we were taping it, it was a no-name show with a no-name cast, a relatively lean crew and I was fine sharing my story with them. Obviously, you are more aware when there are two cameras on you but for me, it was still my authentic experience.
Reality television has commodified love to some extent. What are your thoughts on it, having experienced it from both sides of the screen?
The commodification happens because we as a society ask for it. They are only giving it to us because we are asking for it. So if it’s getting crazier, we are still consuming it. That’s on us. It’s not anyone’s fault, it’s just that as human beings, we are interested in love. All the media, production houses and streaming networks are doing is feeding us what we are asking for. So we need to start examining what we as a society are asking for. And we have to look at better ways in which we consume media. It’s one thing to consume it as entertainment and it’s another thing to start believing what you see as normal or true or accurate. I was most shocked with Indian Matchmaking that people believed this was an accurate portrayal of any of us. I think one media outlet in India wrote ‘No one is as good or as bad as they are on that show’. We are so busy focusing on the terrible, we forget that no one is that good either. It’s a fake narrative.
What is your relationship with India like?
I grew up in Dubai so a lot of weekends were spent in Bombay. But then we moved to America and it got a lot more difficult to get to India. Then it dwindled to once a year. But I haven’t been back since Covid and this time I am going back alone and that too for work. So I think it will be a whole new adventure! I am excited to meet Indian viewers of the show and Indian readers of my book. I think the conversations there are so alive and so full of energy.
How has fame changed your search for love?
It’s much more difficult. I tried dating apps when I moved to New York but that’s just not possible for me anymore in a way that it’s not productive or that safe. So now I just ask friends and people that I meet. I met a journalist in New York who wanted to introduce me to his brother in Miami. Another woman I met at a conference told me that she had met a great guy on a plane and asked me if I wanted to meet him. So I am literally using my network and not just my friends –– people who care about me and get to know me beyond the show.
More about it
Reading now: Stalking God: My Unorthodox Search for Something to Believe In by Anjali Kumar
Watching: Bridgerton
Fave Bollywood film: Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge! I can put it on any time and watch it!
Recent Bollywood watch: The Fame Game
Never seen leaving without: Cellphone, a lip oil and my wallet!