As the FIFA World Cup enters the business end, or the stage at which no work email or Zoom meeting seems more important, our weekly Offside Awards are back to reward the bizarre, the brilliant and everything in between.
As part of our third edition, we recognise the gracious exit of Japan, the dancing feet of those in yellow and blue, the irony of Luis Suarez’s World Cup career and a whole lot more.
The Socrates Award for Most Graceful Loser
Japan’s enterprising coach takes a bow after his team’s exit on penalties against Croatia FIFA
This will go down as a fairytale World Cup for Japan, who beat both Spain and Germany (with less than 20 per cent of the ball each time!) and pushed 2018 runners-up Croatia all the way to penalties. Capping off a spectacular campaign during which they became most people’s second team, Japan’s manager Hajime Moriyasu paid a heartwarming tribute to the thousands of fans who have comprised one of the most devoted (and disciplined) contingents in Qatar. In stark contrast to most losing teams and their coaches, Moriyasu showed no resentment or frustration, choosing instead to take in the moment, acknowledge his team’s support and bow down to all those in the Al Janoub Stadium who kept their faith in his team until the last kick.
The Davids XI Award for the Greatest Giant Killer
For the second week running, Morocco are the winners in a category that they seem on the cusp of being ineligible for. After all, when you beat Belgium and Spain in the same tournament, can you still be called minnows? Against Spain, though, Morocco were far from favourites, possessing as little of the ball as they had expectations of going through. Eventually, with a defensive masterclass that made the Spanish run out of ideas, Morocco took the game to penalties, where Yassine Bounou came up trumps to smother all three Spanish attempts and create the greatest moment in Morocco’s footballing history.
The Activism Without Armband Award (presented by Real Courage *TM)
What is so political about a group of Brazilian footballers dancing endlessly after heaping endless misery on the Korea Republic? Six months ago, the answer would have been nothing. But due to the surge of racist comments about Brazilian footballers and their jigs in recent times, the very act of collective celebration in canary shirts has become political. There are those who feel that dancing in football is a no-no, a sign of unnecessary exuberance or, more contentiously, cultural inferiority. Such critics have been loud and clear in condemning Brazilian players for taking their footwork too far, even going to the extent of launching racist tirades against the likes of Richarlison and Vinicius Junior for dancing on the pitch. But opprobrium, however disgusting, rarely fazes Brazil’s showmen, who put on a footballing and dancing exhibition in the round of 16, with their coach Tite also featuring in a cameo.
The Instant Vindication Award (presented by TikTok)
When you replace Cristiano Ronaldo for a World Cup knockout fixture having played just three times for your country previously, you need instant vindication to keep a barrage of trolling at bay. Fortunately for Goncalo Ramos, vindication was not just instant but also incredible. Against a Switzerland side that seemed to have given up once Ramos’s first goal went in, the Benfica striker was clinical every time he touched the ball. Having rifled in his first one from an improbable angle, Ramos scored a classic striker’s goal for the second, before delicately dinking the ball into the goal for the first hat-trick of this World Cup. All this means that a certain someone may have to do more benchwarming in the next round.
“I could’ve scored it” Miss of the Week
Lautaro Martinez had a night to forget against Australia after a clumsy cameo off the bench FIFA
You would think that Lautaro Martinez had a simple job. After all, Lionel Messi had done the hard part, holding off half the Australian team all by himself, before slipping in a featherweight of a through ball straight into Martinez’s path. “Go on, tuck me into the back of the net and seal the game for Argentina,” the ball seemed to say. And so, Martinez, still reeling from a hat-trick of ruled out goals against Saudi Arabia, opened up his body, gave the goalkeeper the eyes and blazed his shot over the bar. Far too high, not at all handsome. Thankfully for Argentina, the miss did not prove costly. The same cannot be said for Martinez’s confidence.
When VAR Went Too Far
For a change, VAR actually did not go far enough on this one. At least not according to Senegal fans, who were convinced that England’s John Stones had handled the ball inside his own penalty area, with the round of 16 clash still in the balance. A VAR check disagreed with them but concurred with the referee, Ivan Barton from El Salvador, who had waved away the initial penalty claims. The Senegalese players, however, crossed the line with their remonstrations, leading Barton to switch from a consolation smile to a shriek of “shut up” in the space of five meme-worthy seconds.
Best Example of Bitter Twitter
Roy Keane has not had a good World Cup in the public court of Twitter. After every matchday, someone seems to find some fault with the former Manchester United captain’s analyses, body language or choice of suit. On Sunday, however, Keane did himself no favours by appearing to sulk and make a pensive note moments after England had scored against Senegal. While Keane’s colleagues, Ian Wright and Gary Neville, erupted in celebration, Keane looked borderline bored with what he had just witnessed, even throwing in a cough to highlight his apparent indifference. This was more than enough for football’s Twitterati to tear Keane apart, mostly through the bitter tongue of sarcasm. A few geographically astute fans, though, were quick to point out that being an Irishman, it is rich to expect Keane to rejoice for English football.
Balloon d’Or (The Golden Balloon)
Sticking to our hallowed tradition of awarding the Balloon d’Or to forwards with ridiculous goal-scoring records and equally ridiculous egos, the latest iteration of our most prestigious gong goes to Luis Suarez, who realised last Friday that the arc of history bends towards irony. Twelve years after his infamous handball on the goal-line had ousted Ghana from the World Cup, Suarez rediscovered his devilish tendencies to torment the Black Stars for a cliffhanger of a group game. After laying on both goals and nutmegging opposition defenders for fun, Suarez took his place on the bench in anticipation of a knockout berth for Uruguay. Within minutes, news filtered in of a late Korea Republic win against Portugal, which meant Uruguay suddenly needed one more goal in stoppage time against Ghana. To nobody’s surprise, the Ghanains, handed a golden chance to drag their nemesis from 2010 out of the 2022 tournament, held on. A disconsolate Suarez ended the game with three points, a man of the match performance and elimination.
