Celebrity couple Parineeti Chopra and Raghav Chadha — who got married around four months ago — made their first-ever joint appearance on stage in Calcutta last weekend. ‘Rise to Power with Parineeti Chopra and Raghav Chadha’, an initiative of the Young Leaders Forum, saw the actress and politician pair open up for the first time on their love story and what makes their marriage tick. The session, held on the Taj Bengal lawns, was moderated by Rahul Kyal, the new chairperson of YLF, in t2’s exclusive media presence. Excerpts from the session.
Parineeti, you recently made your singing debut. You have always wanted to sing...
Parineeti Chopra: Singing has always been ingrained in me. I have heard stories from my mother that when she changed my nappies, she would sing ABCD to me. Woh bolte hain na ki music mere khoon mein hain. I genuinely feel that about myself. I was dying to be on stage for years and finally, I got a chance recently.
Raghav, what made you want to become a politician?
Raghav Chadha: Towards the end of the first decade of the 2000s when the people’s movement against corruption rose, the young, idealistic person in me felt about doing something that could bring about a change. It just happened that I chose to be a member of a people’s movement that led to the formation of a political party (the Aam Aadmi Party).
So you never thought in your college days that you would become a politician?
Raghav: While I was growing up, I wanted to join the Indian Army.
But the Army didn’t happen. I somehow found another way to serve the people and serve my country and that is how I look at it. I never thought about joining politics, but what is written in fate happens.
Parineeti, you are incredibly multifaceted. You have a triple honours degree from Manchester, you are a trained Hindustani classical singer. You have worked for Manchester United and Yash Raj Films. You have delivered hits as an actor and you recently made your stage debut as a singer...
The YLF committee members
Parineet: I hope this is not myshaadi.com (bio)!
Is there anything you can’t do?
Politics (everyone laughs)!
Tell us something about your remarkable journey...
What Raghav said applies to me too. I was not destined to be here. I went to the UK thinking I would become an investment banker. I did everything, whether it was academically, whether it was work experience... to become an investment banker in London. But destiny had other plans. I came back to India and ended up becoming an actor and because of the love of the people, I am still here.
All these things you said about me have to do a lot with my upbringing. My parents are very enterprising people. I always say that they have ants in their pants... they just can’t sit still! When we go on holiday, my mom and dad will start playing badminton or table tennis against each other. They have been sportspersons and have this competitive spirit in them.
So because of that, just schooling wasn’t enough. I had to study music and then just music wasn’t enough, I had to do debates and declamations. They taught us to be ambitious and because of that, I was able to do many things and experience many things. On the last day of my life, I should be able to say, I have done everything, I have seen everything and I have experienced everything. So every single day goes towards that. I make memories and I have experiences every single day so that I can live a full life.
Raghav, the average age of Indians is around 28. The average age of Lok Sabha parliamentarians is 54 and in Rajya Sabha, it is close to 64. You are an exception, but do you think we have an accurate representation of India in our Parliament?
Raghav: I agree with you and this has been very close to my heart. India is a super young country. We are one of the youngest countries in the world. Japan is getting older, Europe is getting older, America is getting older and India is getting younger.
Unfortunately, we don’t find that many young people at the forefront of national politics. While you require experienced people in policy-making, the participation of young people in mainstream politics is important. The reason why you don’t find a lot of young people in this profession is because there are a lot of obstacles. You need a political godfather. You need muscle power, media power and money power.
It is usually said that politics is meant for either the unemployed or the unemployable. The one who is of no use comes into politics! That notion needs to change and we need to have a level playing field. For anyone who wishes to come and participate in politics, they must do it. This is about running a state or a country for the people and making their lives better.
Unless young people come into policy-making, who will make policies for the young? We can’t expect a 75-year-old member of Parliament to understand the desires, needs and aspirations of millennials. New political start-ups in this country are giving opportunities to young people. I am a case in point that opportunity is being given to young people.
Is the lack of financial stability in this career keeping young people away?
Raghav: I don’t think it is the financial aspect of it or the lack of remuneration in this area of work. It is about the perception of the kind of work an average politician has to do. It is considered to be a bad world. Indians are so talented, so hardworking, so dedicated. Across the globe, you find Indians to be the best doctors, the best engineers, the best chartered accountants... and the best actors (looks at Parineeti and smiles).
The only thing we haven’t been able to crack is our politics. We have to do that and that will only happen with young people full of idealism coming to the forefront of politics. This notion needs to change that politics is a bad industry. If it is bad, you get into this industry and clean it yourself. That is my school of thought.
Parineeti, being in the profession that you are invites criticism and negativity. How do you pick yourself up and become a better person?
Parineeti: My fans have to love me. I am not working for myself or making films just for me to consume. So while it may bog one down for a few hours or days or weeks — that depends on your personality — I love criticism.
Even when Raghav and I talk about this, I tell him: ‘Tell me the negatives, don’t tell me the positives... the positives don’t help me.’ I am like that with everybody. I think that criticism can take you to another level.
However, we also live in the world of social media, which has unwarranted, crazy trolling. I simply ignore it. I am just too busy living my life, which I should and which everybody should. Enjoy your time with family, go on a holiday, go to vipassana, do whatever you want to do, but focus on your life and don’t live for others. I know it is a bit of a conundrum about which route to take, but you have to be the best judge of your life.
Raghav: The thing is you have to give only positive feedback. There is only positive feedback (gets a mock punch from Parineeti)!
We are all excited to watch your next film Chamkila, directed by Imtiaz Ali and with music by A.R. Rahman. There are rumours that you have also sung in the movie. What was it like working with these stalwarts?
Raghav: She sang in Punjabi in the film.
Parineeti: You just clarified the rumour (looks at Raghav)!
Raghav: Have you? No, she hasn’t. I take it back. I sang, I sang (both laugh)!
Parineeti: It is no secret. The reason I even signed Chamkila was because I got to sing. Let me not lie about it... I was desperate to sing. I was roaming around my film sets singing, secretly auditioning hoping that someone would listen and say: ‘Why don’t you sing in our film?’ But nobody offered (laughs)!
I just kept singing louder and louder but nothing came out of it. When Imtiaz sir offered me Chamkila, at the end of the meeting, he said: ‘Okay, lovely meeting you and I will see you next time.’ I was like: ‘Sir, are you signing me for the film or not?’ He said: ‘Of course, I am signing you!’ I couldn’t believe that Imtiaz sir was offering me this film that had my dream role. And then he said: ‘You sing also, right?’ And I said: ‘Yes, I sing!’ (Smiles) I was more interested in the singing part. But I was also excited because I was shooting with Diljit (Dosanjh, who plays the title role of Amar Singh Chamkila). Diljit and I both singing together in Rahman sir’s studio... I couldn’t believe my luck. I am very excited about the film. I think my true Punjabi blood is going to come out!
Parineeti had said in an interview that she would never marry a politician. Raghav, how did you charm your way into her life?
Raghav: Very early on in this relationship, I realised that whatever she says with utmost conviction, the exact opposite of that happens! So now, if I want something, I compel her to say that in the exact opposite manner. For example, if I want to buy an iPhone 15, I will make her say: ‘My husband will never, ever own an iPhone 15.’ And the next morning I will get the iPhone 15! (Laughs) But she is truly God’s best gift to me. That is all I can say.
Parineeti: We met in London where we were both being awarded for excellence in our fields. The next day, all of us, including the organisers, had breakfast together. I am going to sound very filmy but I am speaking the truth. I sat with him (Raghav) for half an hour and I was like: ‘This is the man I am going to marry!’ I had no information about him. I didn’t know how old he was or whether he was married or not. I went back to my hotel room and started Googling him. In my head, I just felt this was my guy... this was the man I had been waiting for all my life. Thankfully, he was single and everything checked out. We started talking and it just felt right from Day One.
In that Googling phase of mine, I watched his speeches in Parliament and he was all guns blazing. I was like: ‘Wow, he is exactly like me!’ But he is the opposite. Outside his career, he is very quiet.
Given the demanding careers that you have, how do you balance quality time versus quantity time?
Raghav: That has been the biggest challenge because not only do we have demanding careers, we are mostly in different cities. Before I met her, I never had a work-life balance... it was all about non-stop work. I never used to shut down. But she has taught me the value of spending time with family. I have realised the importance of work-life balance as well as of nurturing relationships and that is my biggest learning from this relationship. However, I am struggling both in the aspects of quality and quantity time and I wish to find a remedy for it very soon.Parineeti: He is being very modest. He is the best listener in the world. He is very hardworking and passionate about caring for his people and I simply showed him a different way of leading his life.
Raghav, when you have disagreements, how do you bring back a smile on her face and who says ‘sorry’ first?
Raghav: Very early on in my career, I learned that might is always right and very early in my married life, I realised that wife is always right (smiles). If you get that right, there are no disagreements.
But we must be honest. Of course, there are disagreements. One thing that we try and do usually is to not sleep over a fight. If there is a disagreement, either she convinces me of her opinion or I convince her about my point of view. Or in the rarest of rare occasions, we both agree to disagree and that is how we resolve our fights. That is the most practical way of resolving any minor or even major disagreement. Parineeti: I am a very loving person and that makes me highly emotional. My love is the kind that says: ‘I will die for you right now!’ If something hurts me, I can be hurt for days on end. But now, whenever something like this happens, he asks me: ‘Is this of actual consequence? Is this important in life?’ And it immediately gives me the perspective that it is such a small, silly thing... it can easily be ignored. He will tell me: ‘Let’s fight on bigger, more important things next time. Let this one go.’ And I feel so foolish that here is somebody who doesn’t let it fester even for a minute. He says: ‘Okay now, moving on... let’s have coffee.’ He will immediately move on and it just dissipates. The problem disappears. I love that he has such clarity about the fact that life is much more than wasting time over stupid, unimportant fights. They ruin relationships for nothing and that’s not what we want to do.
What have you learned about each other’s profession?
Raghav: What you see on screen is picture-perfect, what you hear on the radio is the perfect song, but a lot of hard work and dedication goes into creating that piece of art. I have seen her life and the lives that people from her industry lead. Particularly for actors, it is very difficult and it is about the constant change that you have to undergo, not just mental but also physical. For one movie, you have to look a little healthy, for another, you have to look very slim and maybe very skinny for the third. In one, you have to look old and in another, very youthful. The transition between the two has to be quick and it takes a toll on your body.
Apart from that, the working hours are super hard and there is too much public scrutiny. The glamour aspect of it is one thing but a lot of hard work and the toll it takes on your body is real.Parineeti: I misunderstood politics before I knew him. I have seen his work, and the stress in his life 24x7. Not even a single minute belongs to him, every minute belongs to serving the people. It sounds dramatic but they have no personal life. I used to think that actors don’t have privacy, that we don’t have a personal life but weirdly, we are a little more self-employed. I do have some control over my calendar but they (politicians) have to be 24x7 committed to their job. They can’t take it easy. I only have respect for him. If I was in his place, I would be the angriest, craziest person — I am already half there, but I would be even more crazy if I were a politician. I don’t know how I would handle it.
What are your common goals?
Raghav: To begin with, the common goal is to have babies and become parents...Parineeti: Just calm down (laughs)!Raghav: Isn’t that a common goal? Parineeti: Just calm down! Oh my God, this is going to make it to social media! My common goal is to sit with him in a room without his phones for at least 30 minutes. I just want 30 minutes of no phones and no work.
How do you enjoy a day off when you are in the same city?
Parineeti: We don’t have fixed hours, we don’t have a Monday to Friday or free weekends. That is common for us. Imagine if either of us was not in public life... it would be very hard for the other partner to deal with it. But from Day One, we understood that. Also, I found him to be an exception to his job or maybe I had a certain image of politicians in my head and he was the exact opposite.
When we are home, we talk about the most banal things. My favourite thing about him is that he is very real and we both come from a middle-class upbringing. Our childhoods have been similar. Our parents are very similar people. Because of that it is very easy for us to go out there, do the job and come back and be normal.
When we feel like being out, we love to try restaurants and travelabroad. We love going to small villages abroad knowing that there is nobody there and we can take walks in the village and go out and buy coffee and just do normal things.Raghav: I agree with her. We are very real. How we look on stage is what we probably look off stage as well. How we are with you or with everyone else is how we are with our family or friends or people at work.
Earlier, I thought that for those who come from this very glamorous industry, what you see on camera and what you see off it doesn’t match. That is certainly not true in her case because she is a very real person both on and off camera, both on and off stage. That binds us together.
What do you miss most about being single?
Parineeti: Nothing. Being single is not fun! When you find your person, it is lovely to live your life with them. He is such a great partner that I feel the same freedom and the same happiness as I did when I was single. Nothing has changed.
Raghav: I miss one thing... which is full and undisputed control over the TV remote in the room.
Parineeti: I choose better content than you! His idea of entertainment is watching political videos and news. On a rare day when we have an off and decide to watch TV, he will start watching the news. I wait for two minutes thinking that maybe he is catching up on the latest news and after that, we will get to the entertainment part. But his idea of relaxing is watching crazy, hectic news. So obviously, you know who has to get the remote!
Is there a hobby you share?
Raghav: We share a lot of music.
Parineeti: We find songs and share and I think that is a love language because I love music. So somebody who can introduce me to new music becomes interesting to me. In the last year, I have been introduced to every Punjabi song that was ever made or written. He has an elephant’s memory! He knows the lyrics of every song in English, Hindi or Punjabi.
We also have a thing for breakfast. When we are travelling, we love to wake up and go down for breakfast in our pyjamas. We will go and pick up a coffee and croissant. And, of course, our first meeting was also over breakfast.
What is the funniest domestic adjustment you have had to make since getting married?
Raghav: I eat my meals very quickly and I don’t chew my food properly. But now, when she is having a meal with me, she compels me to chew my food properly. If that qualifies as a domestic adjustment, that is one positive adjustment I have been compelled to make for a better digestive system.
Parineeti: He is super easy to live with. We are very similar. We have competitions around who is the tidier one and who is the cleaner one. For us, even the folds of every shirt have to be perfect and our phones have to be kept aligned in a particular way. For us, it hasn’t been an adjustment, it has been a discovery of how similar we are. We are always competing for who is better at home at the moment. If he messes up, I will be like: ‘Your shoes are lying here.’ He is a good roommate (laughs)!
Who takes longer to get ready for a date night?
Raghav: (Looks at Parineeti) Do you want me to take the fall for you and say it is me? Parineeti: Guts! You have basically said it is me only! The answer will be me because he doesn’t give me time to get ready. He will say: ‘We are leaving in seven minutes.’ One can’t get ready in seven minutes! It is not like I am doing big hair and make-up or anything but even to change clothes, I am not given enough time... and then he says he is late!
The title of which film featuring Parineeti best describes your relationship?
Parineeti: My films have some crazy titles! I have Golmaal and Kill Dill, which don’t work for this question. Maybe Uunchai or Ishaqzaade.
Raghav: Hasee Toh Phasee!
Raghav, would you pick Parineeti or raajneeti?
Raghav: Parineeti.
Parineeti: He has gone all red! You can say both.
Raghav: No, no... Parineeti.
Parineeti, movies or live concerts?
Parineeti: As of today, live concerts. Movies are my love. But live concerts have a thing... I love interacting with a live audience. I like to meet people in person. In films, we are behind the silver screen. So maybe live concerts have one point more than films.
Priyanka Roy
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