We’ve all experienced it: the urge to withdraw and duck experiences we know we’ll enjoy — even when a mood boost is what we need most. We skip the birthday party. We cancel lunch with friends. Attending these events just don’t seem worth the effort. And then, more likely than not, we feel worse than we did before.

So how do you find the motivation to get out there, especially when you’re feeling low, stressed, tired or lonely? One proven strategy is to strengthen what psychologists call your reward sensitivity.

Our drive to seek out happiness is a muscle that we can develop. So is our ability to relish experiences. And almost anyone can learn to amp up their reward sensitivity by training themselves to notice and savour their positive emotions. That’s even true for people with depression and anxiety who struggle to experience pleasure, a condition called anhedonia.

When it comes to mental health treatment, doctors and therapists tend to focus on easing their patients’ negative symptoms — they want “to take away the bad”, explained Alicia Meuret, a professor of psychology at Southern Methodist University in the US.

In fact, improving positive emotions can be a higher priority for patients than containing their depressive symptoms. And research shows that treatments based on this idea can be quite effective.

A 2023 study co-led by Meuret found that when adults experiencing depression or anxiety participated in 15 weeks of psychotherapy focused on enhancing positive emotions, they reported more improvement than a group whose therapy focused on reducing negative emotions.

Shorter interventions have shown benefits as well. A 2024 study of 85 students, led by Lucas LaFreniere, an assistant professor of psychology at Skidmore College, US, gave subjects with anxiety regular smartphone prompts to plan pleasurable activities, savour positive moments and look forward to future positive events. After a week, they showed significantly improved feelings of optimism.

To raise your reward sensitivity, you can try an exercise based on the treatment plans in these studies. Make it a daily practice for as long as it’s helpful, but commit to at least a week.

Begin by planning one activity per day that will make you happy or give you a sense of accomplishment. This will make you less likely to postpone positive experiences. Be realistic — it can be as small as treating yourself to a favorite snack, reading a few pages of a novel or FaceTiming a friend.

After you have enjoyed that daily moment, close your eyes and recount out loud, in the present tense, where and when you experienced the greatest joy. Home in on details and physical sensations, like the breeze cooling your face as the sun shines. This all might feel sappy, but don’t gloss over the specifics, Meuret cautioned. The idea is not only to remember how you felt, but to amplify and re-experience it.

Here are some more subtle but powerful tweaks you can make to nurture a positive mindset.

Expand your joy vocabulary: Many of us struggle to label our positive emotions much beyond fine, good or great. But research suggests that finding more words to describe those feelings can validate and intensify them, Meuret said. When reflecting on how something made you feel, try to be precise, using words like serene, elated, exhilarated, delighted, inspired.

Share your highlight reel: Think about the details you typically volunteer when asked about your day or a recent trip. It can be tempting to vent. But broadcasting what made you happiest can make you feel better, spread that happiness to another person — and also strengthen a bond, said Charlie Taylor, an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of California, San Diego, US,
who researches social reward sensitivity.

Find silver linings: With practice, it’s possible to notice the positives hidden in things that we might first see as negative, Taylor said. For example, if you invited co-workers to get together and only one person showed up, you could easily view that as a failure. But the silver lining, he said, would be that you got to know that one person better.

Forecast future wins: If looking at your calendar sparks dread, Meuret said, pick an event that’s approaching and think of the best possible outcome. If you’re tired and want to back out of meeting a friend for a workout, picture an especially energising class. Imagine smiling at each other across the room, feeling proud. Using imagery can encourage motivation and prime you for more uplifting experiences, Meuret explained.

Give yourself permission to feel happy: Keep in mind, too, that it’s normal to sometimes feel uncomfortable with pleasurable feelings, particularly if you experience depression and anxiety.

“Some people can feel vulnerable when they let themselves feel good,” LaFreniere said. Worrying can make you feel like you’re ready to respond to threats — but by constantly prepping for disaster, he said, we miss the happiness in front of us right now.

“The truth is,” LaFreniere said, “sometimes we need to behave like happy people if we actually want to be happy.”

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