Bollywood veteran Zeenat Aman on Tuesday opened up about the difficult phase of her life when she felt “terrifyingly lonely”, recalling how she had to accept any work that came her way to make ends meet as a single mother of two “helpless” children.
“This then is a frank acknowledgment of the difficult phase. Those excruciating weeks that turned to months that turned to years. The time when the work dried up, the body aged, and one felt their relevance slip away. At first, there was the sheer relief of anonymity. But then came the fear of how to keep food on the table. With no husband to turn to, no sibling to lean on, and two helpless children to provide for, it was terrifyingly lonely,” wrote the 72-year-old actress in a note on Instagram alongside a set of current stills of herself.
Reflecting on the hardships she faced as her fame faded away over time, Zeenat wrote, “Those were the years I took pretty much any work that came my way. I did not have the luxury of discernment or whimsy. It was bone rattling drives to nondescript towns for event appearances, accommodation at no-star hotels with filthy sheets, trite renditions of ‘chura liya’ in smelly halls, poorly drafted scripts that pushed me to the edge of sanity, being jostled like a prop during stifling photo ops… and then there were the other odd jobs. Teaching poise and etiquette, writing agony aunt columns, even narrating audio tapes.”
“This was life as a ‘has been’ and I find no shame in it. I am grateful to those organisers who offered me jobs, to those fans that turned up to attend those events, for those laughable paycheques that kept the lights on in my apartment,” she noted, expressing her gratitude for the opportunities she received, however small or unglamorous.
Zeenat also recalled the different phases she had gone through in her career — the rise to fame, a decline from stardom and struggles, followed by renewed success.
“It would be dishonest of me to project a life of uninterrupted glamour and composure. I know how it looks of course. Here is a woman who reached the pinnacle of stardom in her youth, and is now enjoying a renaissance in her old age,” wrote the Qurbani actress, adding how stories of her “personal tragedy” have been manipulated and sensationalised over the years.
Zeenat also reflected on her current privileged position in life where she can afford to be extremely selective about work. “I am wildly picky about work now. The kids reject half a dozen collaborations and requests on my behalf everyday. It is a privilege I enjoy, but do not take for granted,” she wrote.
Zeenat also offered a poignant reminder about the value of resilience and the dignity of all work in her post. “This caption is my assertion of two matters. That there is dignity in all labour. And that, with some persistence and luck, the tough times can ease,” reads her note.
Shweta Bachchan, Tanishaa Mukerji and Mini Mathur reacted to Zeenat’s post. “Elegant in your prose and poise an inspiration always,” wrote Shweta, while Mini commented, “Needed to read this today. When you feel your socks are sliding off under your shoes. Everything slipping, ebbing away. But each trough must be sat in to be able to enjoy the crests again❤️ You are gold Ms Aman.. you always have been.”
Zeenat last appeared in Ashutosh Gowarikar’s 2019 epic war drama Panipat alongside Arjun Kapoor, Sanjay Dutt and Kriti Sanon. She will soon be seen in Faraz Arif Ansari’s upcoming directorial Bun Tikki, a Manish Malhotra production that also marks her onscreen reunion with Shabana Azmi after the 1982 crime drama Ashanti.
