Shahana Goswami, along with co-stars Manoj Bajpayee and Arrchita Agarwaal and director Kanu Behl, was in Goa recently for a screening of Despatch at the 55th International Film Festival of India. On the sidelines of IFFI, t2 chatted with Shahana.

Your role in Despatch is brief but significant. What drew you to it?

For me, the thrill of being an actor lies in the collaborative experience. Even if a film of mine doesn’t release, I remain unfazed because my experience of working with people, trying to get into the head of the director, get their vision out, bring out a part of yourself that you don’t yet know... that is the exciting part. Kanu (Behl) is a very collaborative director, someone who loves his story, his actors, his characters... he wants to bring out the best in you and he trusts you to do it. He doesn’t direct actors, he facilitates performances.

Despatch was perfectly timed for me because I was in a mode of surrender. I was wanting to learn, grow and regenerate. Kanu is a beautiful mentor and he does it with a very gentle hand. He strips down an actor to one’s bare truths and then encourages you to build on it.

That means a lot of responsibility for the actor also, right?

Yes, of course. But that comes from a sense of trust. It also helps, because then you bring out your instinct as an actor rather than a thought and that has its own magic.

How has your craft evolved over the years?

It is going to be almost 20 years for me in acting. I am an untrained actor, which I think I should stop saying after being in the profession for two decades! Twenty years of working in the business is training in itself. I am a believer that in any creative form, especially as an actor, your journey and your growth as a human being and as a soul is what is going to start reflecting in your art.

My craft is constantly shifting and changing but there are phases that mark things very distinctly in my life. There was a phase when I moved away from India and was in Paris for four years. That allowed me to expand my soul at the cost of stepping away from work to some extent. I had another phase of growth and self-exploration which started in 2020 and is ongoing. It is constantly shaping my choices, the way I am and the way I show up to people. Which is why the greatest preparation for me as an actor is to be able to make myself emotionally and physically present in the moment. When you start doing that, you can bring a certain magic to the acting process. But it is tough because we most often end up doing the same scene over and over again. But it is still, for me, about being able to allow myself to be entirely present in that moment and let anything that plays out to become a part of that.

How does one strike the balance between being emotionally attached to each moment while on shoot but detaching oneself from the final product?

Being present in the moment on set is the part which is interesting to me. But when one moves on to the part of watching it, there are other psychological elements playing out, like for example, the discomfort of watching yourself and the fear of judgment and of criticism. What I mean is that my joy comes from the period of collaboration. I love the creative part of it. But I am also learning to be more present with the process of people watching my work and also me watching my work.

The variety and volume of your work has expanded over the last few years. What accounts for that, besides newer opportunities and avenues?

There has been a shift in writing, in the style of directing and acting and also in terms of audience appreciation of subjects and characters. All of this has contributed to a change in the quality of work that is and the scope of the quality that can be put out there. Both as an audience and as an actor, I am finding that it is a rewarding period that allows for a lot more pushing of boundaries from what one was used to earlier.

But there are periods of people going into comfort, ease and safety and then there is again someone who pushes boundaries. So it ebbs and flows. The creative climate now has definitely allowed me to thrive and grow.

I am someone who will stop acting if there are no interesting offers. I only say ‘yes’ to something I feel excited about and if I am not excited by it, then I don’t.

What will you do if you stop acting?

I would love to direct some day. But if there comes a time when I am disillusioned by the whole business and if it doesn’t have space for creativity, which would also include the directing process, then I might go into a completely different field like wellness or something that is connected to nature.