Teri Baaton Mein Aisa Uljha Jiya (that has got to be a winner in the longest movie name category), directed by Amit Joshi and Aradhana Shah, is the dream come true for many a woke man who secretly dreams of a sexy woman who cooks and cleans, never disagrees, is great in bed and slots perfectly into the saas-bahu serial-like joint families.
Perennial bachelor — and it seems famous grouch (I think that household help he fired should have given him a little more vitriol) — Aryan (Shahid Kapoor) works in a robotics company, where it seems you don’t have to work a day if the company belongs to your mother’s sister. He’s a cool cat, making fun of his hen-pecked best friend, who flies to America (apparently Indian audiences don’t care where in America) for work and meets humanoid robot SIFRA (Kriti Sanon). Programmed by his aunt to appeal to him, all it takes are matching likes (apparently loving black coffee without sugar and the colour blue are great compatibility indicators), a fast bike ride, being able to smoke without coughing and a song-and-dance sequence to fall in love.
But alas, Aryan discovers that he was a lab rat for his aunt. So he comes back to India (having done no work in America) only to realise that he can’t forget SIFRA (Super Intelligent Female Robot Automation). I mean how often do you come across someone who likes all the things you do and says ‘theek hai’ to everything (the Kabir Singh PTSD was real)?! Of course, he realises that SIFRA is the perfect solution to his problem — his marriage-crazy family.
While the story unfolds on screen, you keep hoping that there will be a point where the bigger picture will be revealed. That you will realise (to your relief) this was all a self-aware satire about sexism. But that point never comes. Even the notion that nothing is ever perfect or what would happen if a robot malfunctions in a crowd comes too late in the 143-minute film. There are no existential or ethical questions asked or answered.
The rest of Teri Baaton Mein Aisa Uljha Jiya is all about how a perfect female specimen (Kriti Sanon looks flawless) becomes more loveable by doing everything her man, oops, sorry, ‘admin’, asks her to do. There is a scene when Aryan’s best friend asks him what the hell he is doing (a very good question) and Aryan says that SIFRA is at least better than his friend’s wife who yells at him about leaving wet towels lying around (wow!). There are some funny moments in the film but if you have ever watched Small Wonder, you would have seen most of those ‘says and does the wrong thing’ laughs.
No amount of his affable charm — and no one can deny Shahid Kapoor has oodles of it — can keep Aryan from coming off as creepy, given that he switches off SIFRA when he finds her annoying or summarily dismisses her or tells her to do this and to do that. He is great in the moments where he forgets the woman is a robot and genuinely connects with her. Kriti does the robot very well, and no this is not a dig at her acting skills (okay, maybe a tiny one), and she definitely has fun playing the role. The scene stealer, however, is Dimple Kapadia as Aryan’s aunt, Urmila. She looks (those frames she sports are envy-worthy) and acts every inch the power woman that she is.
With all these elements, Teri Baaton Mein Aisa Uljha Jiya had the potential to be howlarious or horrific, but it is neither. So, can’t really say ‘theek hai’ like SIFRA.
