According to the dictionary, ageing is to look old, to cause somebody to look old. Anti-ageing, therefore, is to keep looking young, or cause somebody to keep looking young.

I sometimes look at the rows of jars and bottles I have, kept carefully in the closet, all promising age-reversal. But I look at my husband who goes out in the sun wearing nothing but a squeaky clean face devoid of sunscreen or a double-benefit product. His skin care routine is a bath and a shave after washing his face with medicated soap and water.

The amount of time I have spent counting the number of fine lines and age spots on my face probably could add up to 20 per cent of my life. So, finally, I bought a hand-held mirror that magnifies the ruins that my face has acquired due to my age, experience and hormones. Now I know I have to smoothen 51 lines, the beginning of crow’s feet and about two half-inch long dark patches. So I try all from DIY face packs to a 10-step Korean skincare routine to keep ageing at bay. I am not questioning the efficacy of the products or the routine; I wonder why I am insecure while he is not.

I also know the answer. It is because ageing is still synonymous with the female form, while it is all right for men. My achievements are interlinked with the texture of my skin but his skin is rough and unnoticed.

In addition, ageing in women now apparently starts really early. As a result, anti-ageing products become a part of the skincare kit even in your 20s. There is a suggestion that anti-ageing skincare for girls should begin at the age of 10.

And I see the politics — and economics — behind this, yet I still want to believe the promises made by influencers and brands. I have moved on from DIY to chemicals in the last few years and now considering some mildly invasive procedures. I humbly accept that I am “influenced”, and somewhere my self-worth goes up when I apply a colour corrector and a concealer.

Because there is too much at stake. This is the deepest conditioning. I have always been trained to offer to the world a sight that is easy on the eye, and I am afraid to face myself, most of all, as myself.

I will always desire the perfectly smooth-skinned version of me. I am doomed to chase the dream of being the ageless diva with flawless skin. This is the beauty trap. I would want to get out, but even Hotel California looks easier!