She’s a hands-on mother to her four-and-a-half-year-old daughter and Soha Ali Khan has recently launched a picture book for children titled Inni and Bobo Find Each Other, which she conceived together with husband Kunal Kemmu. The actress tells The Telegraph about gender-neutral parenting, balancing her work and mommy duties and her acting assignments.
In a recent interaction with The Telegraph, Kunal said that you do the “heavy lifting” in parenting duties while he does the fun stuff. Is that true?
I do things that I personally find pleasure in, such as reading stories to Inaaya, taking her to a boot camp class, doing some of her school reinforcement work with her... I am inclined towards academics. Kunal does things that he finds joy in. At the age of four-and-a-half, your child wants to play all the time with you. It can be exhausting for me, but Kunal enjoys playing with Inaaya. We divide our duties according to what we feel are our strengths. That results in me perceiving what he’s doing as heavy lifting and he thinks what I’m doing is heavy lifting. It works out very well for both of us.
Has Inaaya started going to school? Who gets her ready?
Inaaya has started attending Ascend International School, which is a lovely school in BKC (Bandra Kurla Complex). She wakes up very early as it starts at 8am. I am not my best first thing in the morning and Kunal is an early riser. He wakes up and gives her breakfast. Then they decide what they should wear to school because both of them are interested in clothes and styling. He also takes an interest in her hair and how she should wear it.
Soha with mother Sharmila Tagore
Share the tips you got on parenting from your mother (Sharmila Tagore).
Our generation is less about taking tips from parents and more about learning from peers. Having said that, I’d say there was one thing that my mother did realise in spite of not living with us. During the lockdown, I’d send her a lot of videos of Inaaya and me at home, and she alerted me that I was finishing Inaaya’s sentences, and maybe trying to steer her conversation in a way that I think it should go. She advised me that I should let her finish her thoughts. Once I did that, I understood that the less I said and the more I listened, Inaaya started to say what she intended to, and not what she thought I wanted to hear.
My mother also told me that it’s difficult to win a battle with a three-year old. When Inaaya was three, I was trying to explain to her the logic of the situation. She was in an emotional state and really not in the mood. My mother told me there’s a time and place for logic and that was not the right time.
Inaaya’s interpretation of Inni and Bobo
Your picture book just got released. How did that idea come to mind?
The first of our picture book series, titled Inni and Bobo Find Each Other, has been released. It all started when Kunal was telling Inaaya a story, where the principal character was actually based on Inaaya. Because Inaaya loves animals, the story revolved around how she came across a puppy, decided to adopt it and brought it home. And then we went on to tell her stories about the adventures that Inaaya and the puppy go on, and she thoroughly enjoyed listening to them. Which is why suddenly we thought why don’t we actually make this a book? If Inaaya’s enjoyed it so much, perhaps other children will as well. I had already worked with Penguin for my first book (The Perils of Being Moderately Famous) and I sent them a draft that Kunal and I put together. He had narrated the story in entirety to Inaaya and I gave it the writing style for it to be a published book. Penguin responded to it very well. They said it ticked off all the things that they want in a children’s book.
You attended Procter & Gamble India's annual #WeSeeEqual summit.
We joined the conversation about ‘Shaping Today’s Generation for an Equal Tomorrow’ at the #WeSeeEqual summit, organised by Procter & Gamble India, to drive meaningful change. Gender equality means that there are no rules that are specific to man or woman. A woman is as valid in the workplace as a man is in a domestic scenario. We’ve incorporated gender equality in our parenting style as well. As parents, we try to ensure that when it comes to the way we behave around Inaaya, she sees Kunal and me as equals, as both of us go to work and enjoy our work and at the same time we both enjoy parenting. Tasks such as washing clothes, cooking meals, cleaning the household and going to work are not necessarily gender-based activities. This campaign of #We See Equal is a step towards starting these conversations.
How difficult was going to work leaving Inaaya home after lockdown?
It is always difficult leaving Inaaya. And that’s something that I’m working on. She is alright as long as she has something to do and someone to play with. What I caught myself doing was apologizing to her when I was leaving for work. And then I realised that that was not the right approach. I should tell her that I’m going off to do something that I’m passionate about. And that she should also have a life outside of parents. It’s very important for me to enable and empower her to be able to do that. As much as we enjoy spending time with each other, we should be able to exist happily without each other as well. It’s easier said than done for me. But I can see how she’s slowly becoming independent. And I think that that is very healthy.
How was the experience of working in Kaun Banegi Shikharwati?
I enjoyed working on Kaun Banegi Shikharwati primarily because it was so much fun working with a stellar cast and also lovely people, who have become my friends like Lara, Anya, Kritika, Varun, Cyrus, of course Naseer(uddin Shah) sahab. It was an honour to work with him and Raghubir (Yadav) ji. Gauravv, Ananya, the directors, producers were so supportive of me being a mother with a young child. I could do my work and be on set. But I could also go and help Inaaya with online school and put her to bed when I needed to.
Tanuja Chandra’s Hush Hush was supposed to be your OTT debut. What news of the film?
Hush Hush is a social drama with elements of thriller in it because there is a death that takes place and we’re trying to solve it. It is a female cast, a female-led production and a female-led direction team helmed by Tanuja Chandra who I thoroughly enjoyed working with. It has been very challenging because Saiba was a role stripped of any glamour or style and was very raw. And I loved that. The experience was amazing, except of course it was punctuated by a terrible second wave of Covid where we all had to pause. A lot of people were unwell and it was frightening. I’m excited for the release, which should be in a few months.
Soha Ali Khan (second from left) at the launch of the picture book Inni and Bobo Find Each Other with husband and co-author Kunal Kemmu, brother Saif Ali Khan and sister-in-law Kareena Kapoor Khan
Has Inaaya seen any film starring any of her family members?
Inaaya has not seen any films of ours. She’s too young to get a full experience of that, although we have showed her some songs from Hum Hain Rahi Pyaar Ke. She, in fact, has not seen any movie with the exception of Frozen, Moana and Encanto. She finds the audiovisual media overwhelming because she’s still small. Maybe after a few years, she’ll be able to see a whole film and enjoy it. I’d say that one of the films that I’d like to show her first is Hum Hain Rahi Pyaar Ke. She enjoys the music of The Sound of Music, and it’s a film that has a lot of similarities to that.
