My entry into the industry was quite abrupt actually. At the age of eight, my mother noticed that I was interested in singing, so she found a local music teacher for me. I had good sense of music and so the teacher made me play the harmonium for the class. But when I wanted to sing, she told me I did not have a “good tone” to sing, so I was eventually kicked out of the class. Then when I was 15, I wanted to perform at this small ceremony at a camp I was at. But no one had heard me sing before and so they did not want me to sing. I cried and made a scene, till they allowed me to sing; I completely bombed that one!

The point is, throughout my youth, my relationship with music was that of an avid listener; I never visualised myself as a performing singer. I never in my dreams thought that the musicians I was listening to would one day welcome me as a fellow performer!

The new way

One problem was the scarcity of female role model musicians when I was growing up. I am not a trained singer. I am not a classical singer or a folk singer. In fact, I was a metalhead! Given the kind of music I was interested in singing, whose path was I supposed to follow? I am grateful for the handful of powerful female vocalists that were there at least, such as Anusheh Anadil, Elita Karim, Mila, Armeen Musa, Mehreen, Simin Saifuddin, Jisha Sarwar, Alif Alauddin etc. And then when Chirkutt and Lalon came later, both were major role models. When Anusheh Anadil released the album with her band Bangla called Kingkortobbobimur I remember how amazed everyone was. Her deep iconic voice is absolutely revolutionary. But still — boys, they had role models in every genre, for every instrument, but for girls, it was much more limited. This is a fight we are still fighting.

Bangladeshi vocalists Anusheh Anadil and Armeen Musa Sourced by the Telegraph

The beginning of a journey

In my early 20s, a guitarist friend suggested me to join a local choir group. I was hesitant at first, because of my past experiences with music. But I was also going through a particularly tough time in my life, and so this seemed like a healthy pursuit. I decided to give it a shot. I remember how impressed the music composer was when he first heard me sing. And that inspired me massively. And that’s when my journey in the music industry officially started.

I used to hang out in the studio a lot, recording a lot of covers. Particularly, I covered a song by Beyonce and uploaded it on SoundCloud. I picked a Beyonce song specifically because I thought it would be a very difficult song to cover, and I wanted to try something challenging.

I uploaded it on SoundCloud, but was too shy to share it anywhere else.

The composer I was working with forced me to share it on Facebook. That’s when a lot of people first got to know about me. I began doing television and radio shows and jingles, and working with some of the top musicians and composers of the country.
Once I made my way in the industry, it was difficult for my family to accept their daughter choosing a career in music. I think it is typical for a non-musical Bangladeshi middle-class family to have certain pre-conceived negative notions attached to this idea of a musician’s lifestyle, and so I always feel the need to be extra transparent with my parents to make sure they are comfortable with my career choice.

Figuring out the look

My next struggle was learning to maintain a certain look. Male artistes generally do not have to put so much thought into their ensemble, but female artistes are required to look rather impeccable, and it can be rather stressful. My job was not just to sing, but also look glamorous. I have never been one for fine dresses and elaborate make-up, so this was a puzzle I learned to solve as well.

Dealing with trolling

Another thing I had to figure out as I went along was cyberbullying. There are many good aspects of social media when it comes to expression of any kind of art form, but dealing with a lot of negative comments — especially as women trying to succeed in a male-dominated industry — is tough. Realistically, there’s no way of controlling that.

I often have to deal with vicious bodyshaming. I try not to let those comments get to me anymore, but it’s never easy to deal with. Cyberbullies need to understand that we are people too. We see and deal with cruelty just like any other person. Now that it has become a part of the job description, I think growing a thick skin and not letting it get to you is the only way to deal with cyberbullying.

Recently I started exploring classic Bangladeshi rock. I did a cover of Taray taray by James (Feelings), and Shafin Ahmed from Miles liked it enough to ask me to join him in performing his band’s Jaadu with him. Both these songs are very close to my heart, and I sang them to the best of my abilities.

Thankfully, I mostly received positive comments; the few negative comments I did receive were from men out there who I felt were simply uncomfortable with this idea of these songs being sung by a female voice, with a female interpretation, female emotions. I think a certain portion of the audience were not used to the idea. In fact, this paved the way for conceptualising the theme for my upcoming album.

It is very rare to find rock songs written by and sung from the female perspective. Songs of heartbreak are always from a male perspective, written and sung by men. But heartbreaks are not exclusively a male experience! I know heartbreak well. That is what I want to explore further in my next venture.

Diversity through social media

There has been an exponential change in the industry culture. The dominant commercial media platforms were television and radio. These platforms had a gatekeeping process that would allow only a certain kind of a human being through. This certain kind of a human being had to look a certain way and talk a certain way. The definitions for grace and presentability were narrow, and even though talent was important, it was not a self-sufficient factor.

What changed only within a decade or so is the advent and absolute cultural penetration of the social media platform. Social media is allowing all sorts of humans, looking all sorts of ways, taking up space and telling all sorts of stories. It is no more a unilateral narrative. If commercial platforms do not allow a certain kind of a person who has creative contributions to make, that person is building their own base and using their own social media platform to take up screen space.

This allows for diversity and greater representation, and this lets us be honest in our art. In fact, it is almost like we are living in a culture of expressive vulnerability. It is completely okay now to come online and talk to the world about personal struggles, and in fact, it is lauded since people can identify with it. When I was growing up, some of the role models were too good to be true, and not relatable. The most positive thing about the industry right now is how the women are very supportive of each other.

The music industry has definitely evolved over the years. But at the end of the day, if you ask me if I would choose any other profession, my answer would be “never!”. I love to sing, I love my job despite the negatives. It comes with its challenges, and I would not change it for the world.