As a single, independent woman if you thought dating apps are a way of finding a companion, you might have had your hits and misses. But if you thought matrimony sites are the “easier” way of finding someone who had the potential of becoming a husband, you will surely be even more disappointed! Or at least that has been my case.

Horoscope, Abhi-Ash style

We, the educated, liberal Bengali community, often take a jibe at another community for their “business-like” approach to marriage. Welcome to la la land! Once you are on a Bengali matrimonial site, it is as good as being in a machher bajar with that much noise and chaos around.

Here, you don’t just get to choose the size, shape and colour (like in every other Indian arranged marriage scenario) of the subject, but even in the 2020s, a major chunk of Bengali parents — and it’s more with the parents — who focus more on a girl’s horoscope than her educational qualifications.

“Oi je Ash-Abhishek er biyer shomoy thekei eta beshi cholchhe,” an aunty (potential suitor’s husband) had once told me. Obviously, I don’t recall much from that wedding because back in 2007, I was more focused on preparing for my ISC, unaware that the intricacies of Abhishek and Aishwarya Rai Bachhan’s wedding would affect my marriage prospects, later on in my life.

From being clueless in my late 20s about all this craziness about a girl’s horoscope, in my 30s I was getting more into the craziness.

Mission Mangal

If you thought that horoscope just meant the date, time, location of birth, raashi or being Mangalik and non-Mangalik only, matrimonial apps will again surprise you. Next come gon and other multiple-choice options. Since I didn’t bother about these myself, I would initially just share my date of birth and time and ask people to find out if they cared so much. And boy, they did!

It took me a while to realise that strangely, nobody was getting back after that. Until one aunty got back politely to inform me that I am Mangalik — since I didn’t know before.

Thank you very much!

Subsequently, due to other parents’ insistence on the same, I did confirm the details of my horoscope from an astrologer who reconfirmed my Mangalik status. By then I had gained enough experience with handling “requests” (or so I had thought).

The plot thickens

Initially I would speak about myself and not reveal the Mangalik part as I could never believe that people made their primary decisions on the basis of this. I would try to meet first and then get to that topic. But after months and years wasted, it would most always boil down to my Mangalik status, which was definitely not shubh and put every prospective groom’s family on savdhaan mode for sure.

There was one incident when I debated a lot with a groom’s mother, asking if she really thought her son would die only if we got married. I mean, he could also be struck by lightning or some such and it didn’t necessarily have to be my horoscope! She was obviously not very happy.

“First up was this guy who I liked and things were going okay, till it turned out that he was bipolar and ghosted me. Next was a super-excited guy who “fell in love” with my picture and wanted to get married at the earliest and that enthusiasm did nothing for my scepticism, so soon after getting ghosted!”

A “simple” solution

The unfortunate thing about marriages in India is that other people often get more curious. Their curiosity leads to more nonsensical “solutions”. Not to forget that notes are also compared as if these are case studies. Turns out that a couple of my other cousins also had this same M-hiccup. One got divorced after a year of getting married and another is also unable to find a bride. But there’s a lucky one who could remove this hindrance by getting married once before the real marriage. And that’s the ONLY possible solution in this matter and I was expected to go through the same. All this to find a companion! So from being clueless in my late 20s about all this craziness, in my 30s I was getting more into the craziness.

Reluctantly, I agreed to go ahead with a puja, which would help me solve this hindrance. Well with the pandemic, at least this was a good way to step out of home — I mean, I was just trying to look at the bright side. By this time, I had decided even if I can’t control my luck, I could at least try and have fun.

At the end of the puja, we were told it would take a couple of months for the results to show.

Results and how
It did. Not sure why though! Was it because for the first time, I had put up “I AM MANGALIK” as the first sentence on my matrimonial profile before everything else? Or was it actually the puja! But the result, necessarily, didn’t turn out to be very successful.

First up was this guy who I liked and things were going okay, till it turned out that he was bipolar and ghosted me. Next was a super-excited guy who “fell in love” with my picture and wanted to get married at the earliest and that enthusiasm did nothing for my scepticism, so soon after getting ghosted! And then there were a few men on the matrimony site who connect but don’t want to get married. Maybe they got tired of Tinder and Bumble and were trying a new app!

Finally, I connected with a half-Bengali guy who seemed to be very compatible and we have been in touch for months over calls and video messages, but haven’t been able to meet yet. He doesn’t live in India. And thanks to Covid-19 and its many waves, we have still not been able to meet! I mean, talk about luck!

So my Mission Mangal still remains unsuccessful as of now. Maybe this time around, I will need to move to a different planet to break this Mangal jinx to find a companion — and to also escape the pandemic!

The writer is just another single girl in the city on a quest to find love, preferably without her horoscope in tow