From overwhelming love to unexpected challenges, from the feeling of true joy to accepting the chaos of her feisty teens, motherhood is a rollercoaster of emotions for TV host, author and chef Maria Goretti. “Motherhood is like a maze you’re thrown into and you’re constantly navigating that map!” she shares with My Kolkata over the phone from Mumbai. Parent to teens Zeke Zidaan (19) and Zene Zoe (17), and better half of Bollywood actor Arshad Warsi, she shares the lessons of motherhood through her eyes on Mother’s Day.
My Kolkata: What is the one thing about motherhood no one tells you?
Maria Goretti: It’s very tough; you keep thinking it gets easy, but it never does. There is so much love and joy infused in everything that it keeps you going. There are new learnings at every age, and nothing fully prepares you for it.
How real is mom guilt? How do you deal with it?
Mom guilt is real but I’ve been spared from it to some extent. I chose to kind of step back from work when I had kids. In my head I always knew that I would take a break. I started working at 17, so I was happy sitting at home and washing bums, and getting tiny cuddles. There were a few times in life when I felt that I could have put in a little more but that has happened to me very rarely. Motherhood is like a maze you’re thrown into and you’re constantly navigating that map!
Have you ever thrown an outright tantrum, just like your child? Have you felt like throwing one?
I have feisty teens, Zeke (19), and Zene (17) and it’s certainly not a bed of roses (laughs). I have been a very independent person all my life and so is Arshad [Warsi, husband]. He has navigated his life on his own because he lost his parents at a young age. So as individuals we may be different but we share a strong sense of freedom in our thoughts. While your children are younger, you teach them how to make their own decisions. And now when I see them using the lessons I taught them, I catch myself wondering, ‘Why do you have to be independent!’ It’s wonderful to see them make their own decisions and push at invisible walls to see how much independence they are allowed and what they can get away with… but all those things you said to them, when they were young, come to bite you in the bum! (laughs).
Sometimes, before I enter their room, I close my eyes and go back to that phase of tiny Zeke and Zene. And when they go like, ‘Mom, not now! We’re busy’, I think of them as little babies and I’m calm. As a mother – and I am thinking on behalf of all moms – what we really want most is for them to be safe in heart, body, mind and spirit.
Life before child, life after child — the biggest change?
Before, life was carefree. I am someone who thrives on travel, started working at 17, earned my own money, had a wonderful career, and never had to second-guess my decisions. It was a time of joy and spontaneity. Now, as a mum, a part of me is always worried for my children, so if they are going out for a party, I am glancing at my watch and I am constantly worried till they're back home. Like the famous quote by Elizabeth Stone, having a child feels like your heart is walking outside your body. So one thing I always do is take a break alone, and I would advise every caregiver to do this to rediscover themself, and release the stress you can carry.
One superpower you wish you had as a mom and why?
At this point of time, I wish I could read their thoughts! And if it was going into a place that was harming them, that I would have the ability to rewire them towards safety and well-being.