With the 95th annual celebration of American soft power (also known as the Academy Awards) around the corner, speculation is rife as to who will take home the black statuettes, a first in the Oscars history (since awards also deserve affirmative action). Everything Everywhere All at Once is set to claim Best Picture, since it cannot stop trending on Twitter whereas Todd Field (for Tar) is a shoe-in for Best Director, as Steven Spielberg is yet to build a new trophy cabinet.
Meanwhile, the nod for Best Actor will go to a middle-aged white man whose charm, courage, fitness and resolve have made US audiences swoon every time he has appeared on screen over the past year. His name is not Tom Cruise, but Volodymyr Zelensky. As for Best Actress, Ana de Armas may be the surprise winner so that Americans can finally claim to have done something good for Cubans.
Elsewhere, Naatu Naatu (for Best Original Song) has a far better shot at winning than All That Breathes (for Best Documentary Feature), since the former more closely reflects what Hollywood expects from India.
Wondering what else happened while you tried to figure out if you should be nominated as supporting actor or lead actor in your situationship? Here’s presenting the top stories from the week that should have been.
March 6
Rahul Gandhi believes more Indians have listened to him in one week in the UK than in one year in India TT archives
- The Congress denies rumours of Rahul Gandhi advising Imran Khan to go to the UK to better understand the problems in his own country.
- China’s foreign minister, Qin Gang, neither a wolf nor a warrior and hardly a diplomat, says that “China’s ambitions won’t stop until the US starts saving the world from itself”.
March 7
Women in India smile more as they move up the professional ladder. The opposite is true for men TT archives
- A cross-country study on smiles in India produces some interesting results. Indians smile most authentically when meeting relatives who earn less than them, followed closely by occasions when they run into foreigners (subject to melanin proportions). On the other hand, the most fake smiles are doled out by Indians while offering tea, waving at strangers, hugging peers and telling lies. The study, though, has refused to reveal which Indian tops its fake smile charts.
- As part of its Dhan Aur Mann survey, the BJP proudly announces that the per capita esteem of Indians has increased far faster than their per capita income since 2014.
March 8
‘Knowing Ranbir (Kapoor) very well made it easier for me to be mean to him,’ says Shraddha Kapoor regarding the latest flick of Luv-verse TT archives
- Film critics with a conscience are left confused over Tu Jhooti Main Makkaar as they cannot decide which of the two protagonists ends up gaslighting the other.
- Bumble’s special feature of asking users to only upload post-Holi pictures on their profiles for four days results in a record number of matches for men stranded between incel culture and cancel culture.
March 9
Boris Johnson has already apologised to his father for holding parties in Downing Street during lockdown, though he is yet to apologise to the nation TT archives
- Full-time grifter and one-time Prime Minister of the UK, Boris Johnson, has nominated his father for a knighthood for having the “fortitude, grace and gumption” to not disown his son.
- Larry Fink, the CEO of BlackRock (which manages more egos than assets), writes an open letter to the heads of the richest companies in the world, urging them to “usher in the era of compassionate capitalism”, wherein the performance of morals matters more than the performance of stocks.
March 10
Harry Macguire has told Bruno Fernandes that the Englishman is ready to return as skipper for the club, even if it means leading from the bench
- Following a historic humiliation by Liverpool, Manchester United have rejected captain Bruno Fernandes’s request to wear the armband only when United are leading in matches.
- During the first day of the India-Australia Test match at Ahmedabad, Australian reporters are shocked to see that those capable of producing the most spin in India need no balls.