Make it easy: Doing little things can go a long way during ‘that time of the month’

In the past decade, the conversation around menstrual health and menstruation in general has taken big leaps — even becoming a key topic in Bollywood films. And yet, we are still a society where sanitary pads are sold in black packets and the word ‘period’ is largely equated with school timings. A huge chunk of this stigmatisation comes from men, who are never conditioned to normalise menstruation while growing up. On World Menstrual Hygiene Day, My Kolkata speaks to a few people about the ignorance that plagues Indian society, how to remedy it, and the big and small ways they try to make those days of the month a little comfortable for the women in their lives.

Sensitisation and emotional support 

Anirban Mondal, a teacher from Uttarpara who lives with his spouse and four-year-old, threw light on the aspects of sensitisation and emotional support. Mondal’s introduction to the menstrual cycle happened at an early age. “I grew up in a family with two pishis (aunts). I have seen them using tattered cloth during their periods, which they would wash and dry away from the sight, without any hygienic measures. It was treated as dirty and untouchable. Later, during my formative years, I realised it was not something to be irked at, but a normal process that every woman goes through,” he says.

As a husband, besides helping his wife Soumi Bhattacharya with chores and taking care of her during ‘that’ time of the month, Mondal focuses on emotional support too. “We all know that women have mood swings while they are on their periods. If one endures constant pain and cramps at various parts of your body, it is understandable that they will not feel good. As men, we have to realise that our relationship dynamics during those few days will not be the same. Emotionally we have to be sensitive and act accordingly.”

As the father to a four-year-old, Mondal recalls his wife’s postpartum period. “Emotional support and comfort are required more. We live by ourselves [in a nuclear family], so besides sharing chores and responsibilities of the baby, we worked together to help her emotionally.” Mondal also spoke about how he first got to know about menstrual cups and passed on the information to his wife. He intends to sensitise his daughter when she grows up. For him, support isn’t just materialistic, but emotional.

Doing the little things 

Abhra Ghosh, a consultant at a corporate firm has hemophobia (fear of blood) and when he first learnt about menstruation, it was uncomfortable for him to imagine. “When witnessing it for the first time, the associated pain was scary to watch. But over time I got used to it, and was able to deal with it in a more helpful manner,” he says.

Ghosh began with doing little things for his mother, and now does the same for his newly wedded wife. He makes sure that “they are as comfortable as possible, whether that be by taking rest, or by getting them their favourite food. Chores are kept to a minimum and we ensure that we are well stocked with sanitary pads and ice cream, along with piles of pain medicine.”

Comfort and pampering 

A third-year undergraduate student, Bodhisattwa Panda gained knowledge about menstruation during his Class VIII biology class. “We had heard about it, but when we started learning about it in school, it came as a shock.” At home, he does not remember his mother showing any discomfort. The topic wasn’t discussed at all, so he never got the opportunity to do much for her.

However, Panda now makes sure that his girlfriend and female friends get any required assistance. “I try to understand what makes her happy during those days. If she is cranky, I do not argue with her. There’s a lot of snacks and chocolates involved too to pamper her.”

Supportive but not patronising

For Md Abubakar Parvez, a doctor based in Kamarhati, menstruation as a concept wasn’t discussed at home. All he had was a general understanding that his mother needed rest once a month, and wasn’t to be troubled during that time. His first sense of awareness came from television and media. “I only understood the complete impact of it when I studied it as a doctor,” he says.

Abu’s medical background has allowed him to understand the exact processes taking place during menstruation. “People often complain that women become cranky or lethargic during this time, but it is important to understand that this behaviour isn’t intentional. They are losing a lot of blood and their hormones are acting up, so we need to be understanding and considerate,” he adds. Since he lives with two female flatmates, he also believes that checking in and asking what they need is the absolute ‘bare minimum’ one can do.

Abu also states that being patronising can be counterproductive. Each flatmate has designated chores in their house. However, just because someone is menstruating, doesn’t necessarily mean they shouldn’t be doing anything. “If they’re on their period and wish to do their chores, they can. If not, I’m happy covering for them. The idea is to be supportive, not patronising.”

Not just one gender’s problem

Growing up in the 1980s, conversations around menstruation were virtually non-existent in author-academician Niladri R. Chatterjee’s home. “I would occasionally spot sanitary napkins peeking from the cupboard, but had no curiosity. I was almost in my 30s, when my younger sister started having periods and I finally got some idea about it,” chuckles Niladri, who is the head of the department of English at University of Kalyani.

Most of his memories involve being upset during pujas at home, where Niladri had to do most of the work while his sister would rest. “Ma would excuse her from participating in pujas because she was ‘unwell’. It’s so interesting how patriarchy even governs a biological process. It hit me much later that menstruation meant that my sister was perfectly healthy!” He further critiques the involvement of spirituality in biology, giving the example of some south Indian regions where a woman’s first period is celebrated. “The only reason this is done, is because it signifies the woman’s ability to have children. Patriarchy only regards a body important, when it can be of service,” Niladri sighs. He also argues that because of patriarchy, sanitary products are not tax free.

He admits that things have come a long way since in the last few decades. When he started teaching in 1996, women could never dream of taking a leave because of menstrual cramps. Today, he proudly sees many of his colleagues vocalise the pain that comes with menstruation, thus reducing stigma. However, Niladri’s biggest learning is how menstruation isn’t about any one gender. “As a teacher of gender studies, I don’t equate menstruation with just women. I also talk about transgender men who menstruate. The best way that non-menstruating people can help, is by talking about it in public spaces,” he adds.

Educate yourself

When he was 7, Sankarshana Srinivasan, a research fellow at the University of Munich, noticed his mom getting regular stomach aches. Thankfully, a lot of the mystery was eliminated by his parents, who explained that this was a normal thing that all women went through, and not a matter of worry. “When I was around 13, I began reading up online because I was curious. I only understood the true effects of menstruation when I began living with my first partner, and saw up close the mood shifts and cravings. I realised that it’s very important to do whatever one can to make those days easier,” he says.

For Sankarshana, this translated to taking over all the kitchen duties, and treating his partner to her favourite sweets. He also began ensuring that he had a couple of spare sanitary pads in his bag while travelling, in case of emergencies. “It’s not very complicated, you don’t need to do anything extraordinary. Just do the things in your power to help. Besides this, simply educating yourself about menstruation can go a long way,” he signs off.