This Halloween I wanted to dress up as inflation. Or even better, the Federal Reserve. Imagine being able to scare the entire world if you change a number by just 0.25%. As a kid I always imagined telling a horror story to Wall Street bankers about a sudden crash in the market. Perhaps I was ahead of my time on the Subprime crisis and the upcoming collapse in the Indian equity markets. The latter is just a joke guys. This is after all a humour column about Halloween. But enough about why I have taken short positions on the Nifty.
I thought a more honest Halloween would find the scary within us. Like why I listen to my brain when it says “Now this looks like a sane girl to ask out. I should probably swipe right”. After narrowly surviving my brain cells being swiped left by Miss Social Justice PhD from Buzzfeed University, I now understand why people enjoy zombie movies. Or why we have become zombies staring at algorithmic Instagram reels with people doing ever more terrifying things. Like this scary looking girl who insists her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Which could be a public health emergency if they’re lactose intolerant. Or the one who insists that I should let her be my woman because she is so feminine with grace especially when it comes to collecting alimony.
I am reminded of the scene from the coming-of-age movie Mean Girls where the character played by Lindsay Lohan thinks Halloween is about dressing up scary but never got the memo that it’s not meant to be literally true for girls. She lands up dressed as an actual vampire with scary teeth at the event only to find that the girls are dressed up in hot outfits like Instagram reels from the future. Or anime girls cosplaying as themselves.
But perhaps what was even scarier in the movie was how she starts out as a nerd trying to pull a fast one on the “popular but frivolous girls” by pretending to join them, finds herself lost in the role and alienating her nerd gang. Then also getting in trouble with her new but fickle friends and eventually hated by the entire school. Perhaps as a young boy or girl in school or college, there can be nothing more terrifying than that. To be hated by everyone. And as we found in the much panned but certainly discussed series 13 Reasons Why, the need for popularity and the resultant jealousy it causes can result in scenarios much scarier than any Halloween-themed night.
Perhaps as a young boy or girl in school or college, there can be nothing more terrifying than to be hated by everyone Netflix
But as we grow up, the scary creatures of Halloween come from all sides like the toxic boss, the sweet sounding but often twisted ex, the noble trusted but eventually backstabbing friend or colleague. Only to realise they are just biological adult versions of the scary Halloween creatures from our childhood. And the grand reveal only happens at the end like the climax of Cruel Intentions where the goodie-two shoes character of Sarah Michelle Gellar is eventually revealed to be a narcissistic psychopath.
But this is festive season so I would rather recall Sarah Michelle Gellar’s epic role as Buffy the Vampire Slayer. A series we the children of the ’90s took seriously but would surely be used by Gen Z to troll us with memes and funny Insta reels today. Well as a Gen X boomer allow me to scare my fellow Gen Z brethren with this sobering fact. Twenty years from now, the Gen Z of that time will be making funny memes about the dancing Instagram reels that you folks are actually making unironically today.
Happy Halloween from the future!
The author is a Marwari investment banker turned corporate comedian. The views expressed in this article are his own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the website.